Baby Must Haves: The First Year

My last baby must haves post was geared toward what to buy before the baby comes and shortly thereafter. Here I will attempt to compile a list of things that have been useful during Carter's first year of life as well as tips & tricks I've learned along the way...

1. Best parenting books I've read for baby schedules/sleep: The Happiest Baby on the Block (I got the DVD since as a new parent I wasn't doing much reading in my "spare time") and Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

2. A jumparoo or exersaucer is a lifesaver for the 4-9 month age range. Carter was fairly content jumping away as I quickly went to the bathroom, did dishes or made dinner. (Who am I kidding, I never make dinner). This is the one I have, but that was based soely on a superficial level- I liked the colors best. OH, and it had the highest hight limit, which I knew I needed for my monster of a son.

3. This should really be my first point instead of my third, but I'm too lazy to change the order of the numbers to anything other than the order that things pop in my head. Sorry. This is one lesson I learned just in the nick of time before I blew my entire budget on baby items: YARD SALES ROCK. People are always selling kid stuff at yard sales. Never buy any new baby gear, and certainly not any toys, until you've gone to a few yard sales. I always see exersaucers (usually $30 max), bumbos, books, TONS of toys, strollers, you name it. I draw the line at car seats (for safety reasons) but pretty much 100% of the items in my playroom are from yard sales. This beauty below I got for $5! With a good cleaning, many things become good as new.

4. I also have a couple of consignment shops that I frequent for clothes. It is painful to spend even $20 on an outfit that they wear maybe 3x before they grow into the next size. Used baby clothes are usually in great condition because they aren't worn very long! All of Carter's clothes are mostly hand-me-downs or consignment store/yard sale finds.

5. This book is the holy grail of all baby food books. It is awesome. Word of caution however: the homemade aspect/nutrition aspect is a little overwhelming, especially for busy working moms, so take much of that with a grain of salt. VERY helpful, however, is a list of when to introduce your baby to what foods, as well as how to prepare/store food if you do choose to make some of your own. Some foods I found very easy and convenient (and cheap!) to make on my own, and others it was worth it to buy. Regardless, this book gave me all the info I needed to know (and then some. Lots actually.)

6. This website is a close second when it comes to baby food introduction/preparation. Very helpful alone or with the book above.

7. These are the spoons, bowls and sippy cups that I use. No problems, no regrets. I especially love that the bowls have lids (huge to life) and are microwaveable and dishwasher safe. I also think that starting to give Carter a sippy cup with water around 6 months after every meal really helped him catch on fast. By 9 months he was taking his milk in a sippy cup instead of a bottle, and we were done with bottles forever!

8. Carter always preferred these pacifiers to other types. He stopped liking soothies around 2 months. Then he stopped liking them all together at 4 months and preferring his thumb!

9. Sleep sacks are the best for summer sleeping. Sleepers were just too hot and stuffy. Just put them in a onesie, zip them up in the sleepsack and that's it!

10. This thing is awesome for storing bath toys and even has a little ledge to put baby soap on. That way your bathtub isn't littered with baby stuff all the time and it all stays in one compact spot. I got mine on craigslist for $10 after looking for it at yard sales for months! I don't know that it is worth $45, but it is pretty awesome.

11. Love this high chair. It saves so much space, is easy to transport if needed, cleans easily, and the tray can even go in the dishwasher. Plus, it converts to a booster seat when the baby gets bigger!

12. Things that make bibs awesome: snaps (babies easily learn how to rip off velcro, plus it gave Carter a rash at the back of his neck), waterproof-ability and washability. I never really did like the plastic pocket ones...the pockets never stay open, they are hard to clean, and they seemed uncomfortable. In my opinion, Carter's makes the best snap bibs. 

13. This stuff works awesome for getting blowout poo stains off of clothing before washing!

14. Yes, it sounds gross, but this thing is seriously the best investment ever. I promise-NO SNOT GETS IN YOUR MOUTH! Those nasal aspirators are crap and hardly do anything at all. A couple saline drops with the Nose Frida and Carter could finally breathe again, which means we ALL get some sleep!!

15. Carter still sleeps to white noise, and that works for me because he sleeps awesome both at night and during naps. If he needs white noise until he's 20 to sleep, so be it. After realizing that our awesome cloud b sound giraffe (which is still great for the car or somewhere else without electricity available) turns off after 45 minutes (and thus, he would wake up after 45 minutes), we bought this sound machine which has been an amazing investment. It is also just as portable as the giraffe for travel/play dates that require naps! LOVE it.

16. I like to slice up bananas and apples and freeze them and then put a slice in these for Carter to munch on. Its easy to prepare, he gets the nutrients from the fruit, and he can't choke on it. Plus, its nice if he's teething!

17. Food pouches are awesome for on the go. Carter learned to just suck the food right out, which creates absolutely zero mess, doesn't require a spoon or a bowl, and is awesome in a pinch. At home we use either homemade purees or jars (just because of price) but the pouches can't be beat.

18. Baby proofing stuff is way more expensive than I expected. I've gotten some stuff (outlet covers and plugs, etc) at yard sales or consignment stores along the way, but I've had to buy some stuff new too. My only advice on this is start registering for/looking for cheap finds early on so you have to buy as little as possible new!

19. Another awesome thing to get consignment/yard sale/hand me down: SHOES. They are darn expensive, and of course the best quality ones are usually Stride Rite, which are more expensive than shoes I buy for myself. I've been picking up shoes whenever I see them on sale (no matter the size-he'll grow into them eventually!) and I've been pretty lucky with hand me downs so I haven't had to buy a lot of shoes. It is important to keep in mind that for early walkers, they should have a soft sole like Robeez.

20. Another food item which is sweet for mashing fresh foods like banana and avocado. These are nice too, when they start eating puffs/cheerios.

21. I love this humidifier. Don't waste money on a crappy one like I did.

22. For toys, I am pretty firm about never buying new: but if people ask for gift purposes, Carter has been really into balls and stacking cups, although he'll play with pretty much anything, especially things he's not allowed to play with...this is his current favorite toy, which I got at a yard sale for $2.


OK, I think 22 items is enough for now. I'm sure there will be an update in the next year when he outgrows all this stuff!

Where I'm at

Most people who read this blog (all 2 of you) know I'm going through this "thing" right now-figuring out my spirituality/religion/Jesus following thing...and I'm happy to say that I finally feel like I'm actually moving in a forward direction. I'd say I've been on this journey for a few years, but most of that time has been spent in a stagnant, unmoving, skeptical and apathetic place. 

For some reason, something clicked this year and I began moving again. I got to a place where I had a choice to make: I would either scrap Christianity all together, or strip away everything I've ever known about religion, start from scratch and learn what it truly means to follow Jesus. I was simply UNABLE to sit still where I was any longer. I was tired of going through the motions of "church", religion and Christian Americana when I knew in my heart it didn't feel right to me. 

The young adult Bible Study as well as the friendships I've developed within that group have been really central to my continued forward motion, and I am so thankful for that. I've come to a place where I've thrown everything out the window and am slowly picking the pieces back up again, analyzing them, and putting my faith back together. I've come to the conclusion that the concept I am shaping this faith around is that I really, truly believe that living like Jesus is what I am supposed to do with my life. I'm not wearing a "wwjd" bracelet around, but I've begun to filter my thoughts and actions that result through a Jesus-colored lens. It has actually been quite amazing how different I think and feel since I've begun doing this. I'm beginning to lose my apathetic edge (a bit) and instead see the world through loving eyes. 

There are a few conclusions that I've loosely come to lately through this stripping down/building up process of mine. They are:

1. I don't think most churches (as in, buildings with Sunday morning services and members/attendees) are focused on living like Jesus. (See previous post) Until I can come to a place where I appreciate the church for what it is instead of what I want it to be,  I cannot bring myself to attend at this time in my life. I DO, however, believe that a community of believers is essential, so right now the young adult bible study I attend is my "church" and I feel like it is currently beautifully fulfilling all those parts of me that long to be a part of a church.

2. I don't believe the concept of "sin" is black and white AT ALL. For example, I don't believe some things are simply wrong and some simply right. My working definition of sin is something that comes in the way of a)your ability to love Jesus, b)your ability to love others or c)others' ability to love Jesus and others. I hate to sound like a relativist, but I really do think that by this definition, sins can be different for some people than they are for others. Many of them are the same for everyone too, like murder. (Feel free to show me a me someone who is not mentally ill who can murder without affecting their love for others (the person they killed?) and for Jesus, the ultimate pacifist) Its all the grey "sins" that I think can be different for people-for example- drinking, gambling, swearing, sex, and even homosexuality.

3. I'm struggling with the concept of prayer. I'm still not sure where I am on this one. Stay tuned.

4. This is the last one, but the most important one. This is the concept that my faith is literally built on, and if you take it away, nothing else matters. And that is LOVE. And out of love comes huge things like social justice, living simply and environmental sustainability. It is this concept of love that is challenging me to the very core of my being. 

I'm re-reading Shane Claiborne's "Irresistible Revolution" and every line he writes simultaneously comforts me (that I'm not the only person that thinks this way) and challenges me so hard that sometimes I feel like I'm being punched in the gut. I'm currently struggling with what it means to REALLY follow Jesus. If I'm not going to reflect His love through my actions, then I might as well forget about confirming His words with my lips. 

Right now, I am not loving the way I feel I should. I am sitting in a comfortable, air conditioned apartment, typing on my expensive computer about my feelings while my brothers and sisters in Christ are starving, homeless, sick and needy. I am planning vacations while my neighbors are suffering. I am using my education to care for white middle & upper class well-insured women who have a million provider options while there are poor pregnant people who might NEED me. I'm not saying necessarily that all these things I'm doing are wrong, but clearly I'm not doing something right. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. I can't even count how many blessings I have, and how many of them do I give to others or to the earth? Tithing 10% on Sundays and giving money to charity is an easy way to keep my distance from the actual need in the world while still patting myself on the back. How many homeless people do I even know? Zero. How many truly suffering people have I even talked to? Zero. 

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I don't know that Jesus is calling everyone to live like Shane does, but the world would sure be a better place with more people like him. All I know is that at the very least, I want to glorify Jesus with every last thing I own, every last minute of my day and in every encounter I have with others. This is proving very challenging at times and at others very natural, easy and rewarding. 

I think it is going to be a process-and perhaps a long one-but again, at least I'm moving forward. And for now, that's enough.

SO TIRED OF IT!

Yes, I'm tired of many things, and yes, I'm literally tired as well. But right at this moment I'm tired of one thing in particular:  "just wait" moms!!


If you're a parent, you know what I'm talking about. For some reason, "seasoned" parents like to crush the very being of new parents via facebook. It is like a sick, one-upping game that makes them look like a superior parent. It is something I noticed long before I had a child of my own through my friends and led me to be careful NEVER to complain about my pregnancy or my baby on Facebook because I knew all hell would break loose with the "just wait" moms and I couldn't handle it without flipping out.


Still don't really know what I'm talking about? Here's a hypothetical scenario:


New mom's Facebook status: I am so tired, baby was up all night crying!


Comments:
Mom #1: Just wait until you have 5 days in a row of that. Then you'll be tired!
Mom #2: Just wait until he's teething, then he'll cry all night for a month straight!
Mom #3: Just wait until you have two and they tag team you!
Mom #4: Just wait until they're 13 and you're up all night waiting for them to come home!


The pregnancy statuses always get it the worst. Hypothetical scenario:


Pregnant woman's Facebook status: So uncomfortable. I can't believe I have another trimester of this!


Comments:

Mom #1: Wow, and you haven't even hit you're third trimester yet. You're in trouble! 

Mom #2: Just wait until you can't see your feet anymore and you're 2 weeks overdue like I was!

Mom #3: You think its bad now, just wait until the baby actually gets here!

And then there's always the commenters with unsolicited advice, but that is another post for another time......


Seriously, people?? If you are a parent, you know that it is one of the most challenging, exhausting, rewarding, exciting crazy rides of all time. You know that when you are pregnant, you sometimes feel like crap and like the baby will never come out. You know that when you have a baby, you experience things you never thought you would and sometimes you feel like just sitting and crying because you feel so incompetent. You know that when have a toddler, sometimes you feel like throwing them against the wall (but that would be bad, so you don't.)


And BECAUSE you know all these things, you think that the responses of "seasoned" moms to other moms would be understanding, uplifting and encouraging. How about "Things happen, you're doing great!" or "I remember that, it sucks!" But sadly, I see a lot less of this and a lot more "just waits". Why can't we let pregnant moms and new moms experience things open-mindedly like we did? Why can't we let them have complaints without telling them it is just going to get worse? Why can't we encourage instead of tear down?


Want a real scenario and not a hypothetical? Here's the post that inspired me to write this blog. I'll of course leave names out but if you're Facebook friends with this person as well, it won't be much of a mystery. While there were actually quite a lot of comments, I just included the worst of the worst ones. Why are there more than one worst of the worst???


New mom's Facebook status: "For the first time in my life, I watched poop explode out of another human being's rear end. My changing table will never be the same..."


Comments:
#1: "Wait until she explodes poop in your lap! :-)"
#2: "get used to it"
#3: "I am worried about you and this poop thing... Wait until she starts eating real food!"
#4: "Sweetie what did you think was going to happen on the changing table? Just wait until she figures out how to take off the daiper...Good times. Here comes the real tip...wiping a new born's bum gets them going. Put a new diaper under her to help with explosion containment. Buy lost of satin remover and the best way to get it out is to work inside out that way you are not scrumbing the stain in but out."


The last one is the ultimate "just wait" mom trifecta. It includes #1: Talking down to the new mom ("sweetie...what did you think would happen?), a "just wait" comment (of course), and then top it off with unsolicited advice. GAH!!!


Parents, lets be kind to other parents. Lets let them enjoy all of the good and not so good experiences that come with it. Lets let them complain, because they have a right to do so. Lets tell them they are doing a good job, because THAT is what a new mom needs to hear most of all.


Off soapbox.

Church follow-up

I've done a lot of thinking and mulling over my church post, as well as discussing with others and I think I have come to a conclusion that works for me right now.

At this time in my life, Wednesday night is my "church" in the sense of a weekly meeting of a community of believers. I have found an amazing group of people who truly care about loving others.  In this group, I can be real and honest and others are real and honest too. We dive into scripture and discuss struggles and issues that we all have with the institution of "religion". We desire to have a community-outreach focus using our collective strength in numbers and talents. I can stick around until the wee hours of the night discussing freely how to live and grow as a follower of Jesus, and never feel judged or attacked. Nobody is horrified by my at times apathetic words. There is an expert of scripture who I respect greatly who adds so much to the conversation, both using the Bible and his own personal struggles. There are people who live close and people who live far, all from various backgrounds but all seeking the same thing-to discover how to live like Jesus and grow within a community of believers.

THIS is the community environment I've been looking for.

For the last year or two, when I go to "church" on Sundays, I feel angry, depressed and frustrated. I just can't at this point in my life bring myself within the 4 walls of a church building on Sunday mornings during the "worship hour" and have appreciation for what it is. I hope that someday I will, but right now, going to church on Sundays is doing more harm than good for my relationship with Jesus and others. After writing my last blog post, I finally released myself from feeling the immense guilt and pressure to go to church on Sundays which was eating away at me and making me angry whether or not I went.

I think I need some time away from "church" as we know it-to think and pray about the reasons I go (or don't go) and to maybe try to find some kind of beauty and purpose in the discipline of attendance.

Until then, I feel confident that I have a community of believers that are filled with love and compassion and hunger for learning, growing and serving and I actually look forward to attending each week.

This is truly the definition of "church" anyways, is it not?

Working Mom?

As I'm getting closer and closer to having a job (hopefully), I've begun to think about what working really means and starting to panic a little bit. I mean, I've been home with Carter just about 24/7 for 6 1/2 months. The only motherhood I know is being with him all the time.

Although I want to work, and am looking forward to it in a lot of ways, I am really having a hard time knowing that working means not being with Carter as much. Mommy guilt is the worst! As of now, *I* am the one he knows the best, the one that knows him the best and the one who knows exactly what he needs. How will I deal with this shifting? Will he get more used to the way that child care does things than how I do them? Not that my ways are better, but I am his mom and the idea of the ways I do things as being foreign to him is scary. Right now its all he knows.

He's my little buddy. We spend all day together. Of course, there are days/moments when I wish I could thrust him in the hands of someone else and take a break, but overall I enjoy being with him. He goes everywhere with me.

What will I do when I only get to see him for about an hour total during weekday work days, when I get home from work right before he goes to bed? Yikes!! I can't even imagine it. What if I miss the first time he crawls, or says mama, or actually starts to enjoy solid foods? The thought of not being able to be a part of those moments is so sad.

I know that this is the reason I am only going to work part time, but maybe I've over-committed. When I'm home from work, I'll have to be doing grading, etc. for Principles of Bio. Am I going to have ANY time to spend with Carter, let alone Jay?

I know that I want to work, and doing so is the right decision for us, especially financially....but I'm kind of having a freak-out day wondering if I'm making the right decision. I don't want to regret it, or feel like I'm missing out on Carter's whole life. :(

church.

Okay, I thought I'd blog about something on my mind lately (as in, the past couple of years). Church. Is this blasphemous that I'm writing this on Easter Sunday morning? Probably.

As of right now, sometimes even the thought of going to church puts a pit in my stomach. I am so tired of the routine of: dress up and grab your Bible --> grab a bulletin from a greeter --> find a pew --> Welcome & announcements from Pastor --> Worship songs --> communion/special music/prayer/whatever --> sermon about how to make Jesus fit into our every day lives --> prayer --> leave ready for lunch and a nap.

I know most of this is from my experience growing up in and sticking with the Nazarene/Baptist church for the most part, and all church is not like this. But after living in 3 states and 8 addresses in our 5 years of marriage, Jay and I have been to a lot of churches. We've pretty much stayed within the Protestant denomination, but the structure is always the same-just throw a little extra presentations or special music in, sometimes a splash of communion, sometimes a shorter/longer sermon, sometimes you're allowed to have coffee in the sanctuary (gasp!), but its all the same.

Simply put, I'm tired of it. Here are a few of my questions. And disclaimer again: I know not EVERY church is like this. Some churches might have it together. This is purely based off of my experiences in the last 28 years of churchgoing.

1- Why does church have to be on Sunday mornings?
2- Why does church have to involve all these structural components, and in the same order?
3- Why are we forced to "worship" through music collectively, for 10 minutes, every Sunday? How many people go home and worship on their own, either through music or in other ways?
4- Why are sermons always about either warm fuzzy topics or "tough" topics which are usually about giving things up in your life that hinder your spiritual growth? Why do pastors always try to make Jesus' message mold to fit our easy, 21st century lives?
5- Why is serving others discussed pretty much only once a month, and only when talking about one time mission trips or excursions (next week, we're going to go sing at the nursing home!)
6- Why is doubting and asking questions so discouraged? I'm sure most pastors would say that it is NOT discouraged and in fact encouraged, but I certainly have never felt encouraged to do so in church-so something is missing there.
7- Why do most people put on a happy face mask for church, give fluffy prayer requests (please pray for my son's friend who was in a car accident-please pray for my grandfather who has cancer-please pray I do well on my test this week), and then go home and struggle with things they would be horrified to share in church? Where are the REAL prayer requests? (Please pray for me-I'm struggling with what I believe, I am trying to figure out what it means to be a gay Christian, I am struggling with mental illness, my marriage is struggling, etc)
8- Why are children sent downstairs to receive a dumbed-down child size happy-feeling message filled with songs, snacks and play time? How does this prepare them to appreciate church and faith as an adult?

Lets get one thing straight-I am not anti-church. In fact, I think church is important. However, I just haven't yet found a church where I feel like I belong, or where I don't feel sick to my stomach at the comfortable structured American-ness of it.

I feel like the primary reason to have churches and NOT just worship/study individually is because we are called to be a community of believers. Supporting one another, adding different viewpoints/opinions to various topics, working together to help the community around us.

To me, THAT is the point of church. Not obligation, not societal expectation, not to sit there and be "fed" weekly by a message.

Here is what I wish church looked like. And yes, I'm aware that I'm adding some kind of structure here, which is what I'm raging against, but just go with me here.

1. Not necessarily on Sunday morning, weekly.
2. Has a part of the "service" dedicated to discussing doubts, questions, hot topics, Bible passages, etc. regarding the Christian faith. Obviously this is where a "pastor" type, or someone with formal theological training would come into play-to add things like "well, this is who wrote this Bible passage, and this was the cultural context at the time, and this is what the original meaning was in Hebrew/Greek, and these are different ways this passage is interpreted, that topic is mentioned in the Bible here", etc. etc. etc)
3. Has a part of the "service" dedicated to discussing REAL struggles in one's life or the community. And the answers by the rest of the group to these struggles are not simply "I'll pray for you" but "I'll pray for you AND here's how I plan to help you with this".
4. Has a part of the "service" dedicated to looking for tangible, long term ways to help the community-and then putting plans in motion to actually do it.

That's all I want.

Strip down the rest of the church show and give me this.

THEN I'll go to church.

Excitified

I found out recently that I might actually get what I've been waiting 8 months for...a job opportunity where I did my clinical rotations. I am 50% excited and 50% terrified....100% excitified.

What if I've forgotten everything I've learned since school? What if I don't live up to the positive reputation that I've been given? What if they are disappointed in me? What if I mess up....and the cost is bigger than I could ever imagine?

What if I can't handle being a working mom? What if I feel guilty for leaving Carter? What if I took on too much-between agreeing to teach in the fall/spring, a job, a husband and a son?

What if I fail?