Church follow-up

I've done a lot of thinking and mulling over my church post, as well as discussing with others and I think I have come to a conclusion that works for me right now.

At this time in my life, Wednesday night is my "church" in the sense of a weekly meeting of a community of believers. I have found an amazing group of people who truly care about loving others.  In this group, I can be real and honest and others are real and honest too. We dive into scripture and discuss struggles and issues that we all have with the institution of "religion". We desire to have a community-outreach focus using our collective strength in numbers and talents. I can stick around until the wee hours of the night discussing freely how to live and grow as a follower of Jesus, and never feel judged or attacked. Nobody is horrified by my at times apathetic words. There is an expert of scripture who I respect greatly who adds so much to the conversation, both using the Bible and his own personal struggles. There are people who live close and people who live far, all from various backgrounds but all seeking the same thing-to discover how to live like Jesus and grow within a community of believers.

THIS is the community environment I've been looking for.

For the last year or two, when I go to "church" on Sundays, I feel angry, depressed and frustrated. I just can't at this point in my life bring myself within the 4 walls of a church building on Sunday mornings during the "worship hour" and have appreciation for what it is. I hope that someday I will, but right now, going to church on Sundays is doing more harm than good for my relationship with Jesus and others. After writing my last blog post, I finally released myself from feeling the immense guilt and pressure to go to church on Sundays which was eating away at me and making me angry whether or not I went.

I think I need some time away from "church" as we know it-to think and pray about the reasons I go (or don't go) and to maybe try to find some kind of beauty and purpose in the discipline of attendance.

Until then, I feel confident that I have a community of believers that are filled with love and compassion and hunger for learning, growing and serving and I actually look forward to attending each week.

This is truly the definition of "church" anyways, is it not?