Well, here I am. In Nashville. And no, it doesn't feel real yet. I still feel like I'm on some kind of vacation, and I probably will until I get a job and a place to live.
Living with my dad has been.......okay. I am certainly ready to move out when the time comes, but it hasn't been terrible. Its just weird to be used to living alone and then...BAM! You live with 3 others. I'm sure thats the way my dad and Val feel too, so I have some sympathy. But I'm ready to find jobs, a place to live, and settle down.
So basically, my life has been filled with sleeping in and staying up late, which is gonna kill me when I finally do get a job. I hate that I'm such a night owl!
I promise my next update will be a lot more interesting. Lots of things swirling around in my mind right now, but they're not ready to be put on paper quite yet.
7.30.2007
7.11.2007
Stress
I knew packing was hard and stressful, but I didn't realize how much! And its magnified 10x since Jay isn't here...I didn't start packing until he left on Sunday, and now I'm completely overwhelmed. I've packed sooo much, but there is still so much more to go, and it barely even looks like I made a dent. I can't wait until I can actually see results! It literally took me 2 days to pack the kitchen...there are sooo many things, especially breakables, in the kitchen that it took forever! Its also difficult to try to figure out what we're going to need for the couple of months we are living with my dad and what we can keep in storage until we find a place of our own.
If packing itself wasn't stressful enough, there's the truck issue....we got a really good deal on a truck company that drives it down for you AND pays for gas...but unfortunetly that means we have to take the bad with the good. The price we were quoted was for 10 feet of space on the truck, and every extra foot is $27. So I know we're going to be paying a lot extra, but at least we have the option of using more truck space. The big stress though, is that usually they would drop off the truck to you one day, and pick it up when you're ready, but apparently in Boston there's a special "rule" that the driver has to be with the truck at all times. Because of this, they only give you a free HOUR to pack the truck, and every additional 15 minutes is $34!! And obviously since we booked the truck for a thursday (it was cheapest...), most of our friends will be at work. And I can't find out what time the truck comes until Monday at the earliest. I am hoping I can get them to come as late as possible so that we can move everything outside first before the truck gets here, and then it wont take as long to load the truck when its time.
I am also lacking in the supplies department...I have been warned by 3 different people now that we need packing blankets (NOT provided by the truck company) and a dolly to move the piano. Researching where the heck to rent/buy these things is really not what I want to be doing right now when I'm already stressed enough about packing.
And then there's all our friends who keep asking us when we can hang out, even just for dinner, and at this point our schedules are so booked with saying goodbye to people that we hardly even have time to pack! We want to see our friends sooo bad and hang out with them as much as possible before we leave, but we're already booked solid, and there's still friends who we didn't even plan to see before we go. Its really sad and again....stressful.
Just one and a half more weeks of this craziness....
If packing itself wasn't stressful enough, there's the truck issue....we got a really good deal on a truck company that drives it down for you AND pays for gas...but unfortunetly that means we have to take the bad with the good. The price we were quoted was for 10 feet of space on the truck, and every extra foot is $27. So I know we're going to be paying a lot extra, but at least we have the option of using more truck space. The big stress though, is that usually they would drop off the truck to you one day, and pick it up when you're ready, but apparently in Boston there's a special "rule" that the driver has to be with the truck at all times. Because of this, they only give you a free HOUR to pack the truck, and every additional 15 minutes is $34!! And obviously since we booked the truck for a thursday (it was cheapest...), most of our friends will be at work. And I can't find out what time the truck comes until Monday at the earliest. I am hoping I can get them to come as late as possible so that we can move everything outside first before the truck gets here, and then it wont take as long to load the truck when its time.
I am also lacking in the supplies department...I have been warned by 3 different people now that we need packing blankets (NOT provided by the truck company) and a dolly to move the piano. Researching where the heck to rent/buy these things is really not what I want to be doing right now when I'm already stressed enough about packing.
And then there's all our friends who keep asking us when we can hang out, even just for dinner, and at this point our schedules are so booked with saying goodbye to people that we hardly even have time to pack! We want to see our friends sooo bad and hang out with them as much as possible before we leave, but we're already booked solid, and there's still friends who we didn't even plan to see before we go. Its really sad and again....stressful.
Just one and a half more weeks of this craziness....
7.04.2007
Sensitivity
One of the things I hate most about myself is how hypersensitive I am. Sometimes something someone says to me that rubs me the wrong way will bother me for weeks, months, or even years. Even more so, if I ever feel that something I did offended someone in any way, it eats away at me for the longest time. The fact that I'm completely non-confrontational doesn't help either...because I tend to let things roll off my back that really hurt me, and then I internalize it all, or lash out at someone who doesn't deserve it. I just HATE how something sooo small, that usually no one else cares about or notices, can ruin my whole day. I wish I could actually live the way I talk... "you shouldn't care what people think about you" or "I'm sure they didnt mean it that way" or "just forget about it, its not a big deal." But I physically can't do it. I just end up feeling like a doormat most of the time, and I hate it. I constantly worry 24/7 that someone is mad at me, or that someone doesn't think I'm a good friend, at the same time internalizing bitterness and frustration for people.
Sure, sometimes it is a good thing to be sensitive, primarily because it makes me hypersensitive to others. I absolutely go out of my way to make people feel loved, probably because sometimes I don't feel loved myself. I work my tail off to help my friends with wedding things, and of course part of that is because I enjoy it and love weddings, but its mostly because I love my friends and I want them to know it. But at the same time, during my wedding, I felt guilty and like a huge pain to all my friends when asking for help with the littlest things, even though I know its my own reality and not true reality. Being caring and sensitive toward others is a good thing, especially when I am going into a career someday that will really use those skills, but it sucks when it makes me feel unloved and unappreciated, for no reason at all.
I just wish it was a switch in me somehow- that I could turn on and off. Its exhausting....and I wish I could change, but I've been like this ever since I was little. I guess I just have to figure out how to deal with it constructively, instead of letting it eat away at me. I just wish it wasn't so difficult.
Sure, sometimes it is a good thing to be sensitive, primarily because it makes me hypersensitive to others. I absolutely go out of my way to make people feel loved, probably because sometimes I don't feel loved myself. I work my tail off to help my friends with wedding things, and of course part of that is because I enjoy it and love weddings, but its mostly because I love my friends and I want them to know it. But at the same time, during my wedding, I felt guilty and like a huge pain to all my friends when asking for help with the littlest things, even though I know its my own reality and not true reality. Being caring and sensitive toward others is a good thing, especially when I am going into a career someday that will really use those skills, but it sucks when it makes me feel unloved and unappreciated, for no reason at all.
I just wish it was a switch in me somehow- that I could turn on and off. Its exhausting....and I wish I could change, but I've been like this ever since I was little. I guess I just have to figure out how to deal with it constructively, instead of letting it eat away at me. I just wish it wasn't so difficult.
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