I'm going to write about something I've never written about before. My anxiety/worry. Ha! Apparently it hasn't gotten better. Actually, since hearing about the serial rapist (click the words...) in Columbus, it has increased 100 fold. The guy has attacked seven women, almost all fitting my description and location, in their homes, within miles from where I live.
My logic tells me not to panic. It won't do you any good. You are doing everything you can to stay safe...locking windows and doors, not going outside alone in the dark, staying aware of your surroundings, changing up your routine. Besides, Jay is with you during the time that most of the attacks occured, and all seven women have been alone. If only the right and left sides of my brain could agree. My emotional side says "screw you, logic! I'm freakin scared!"
But why can't I figure out where to draw the line between being a healthy scared, leading me to be cautious and smart....and being so panic-ridden that I can't think about anything else, won't take the bus, and almost cry myself to sleep every night? It is so exhausting and so frustrating.
Sunday School answer time...right? PRAY about it. READ the Bible for comfort...etc.etc.etc....
Okay. I pretty much pray about it ALL the time. Constantly. Thankfully, after heeding some advice from my incredibly intelligent sister, I have started praying the RIGHT way about it. Instead of simply praying that he wont "get" me, I pray that the police will have wisdom to catch this guy, that me and every other woman in Columbus will be alert and cautious, that I will not put myself in dangerous situations, even that He will work in the heart of the rapist. I read and repeat scripture to myself as well....you know, the whole "do not be anxious about anything...." passage and such.
These things are supposed to bring me comfort and peace, right? So why aren't they? Why do I still feel like I am living in fear, especially when I am alone in my own apartment? Why do I have this incredible paranoia?
Am I just crazy or am I lacking in faith?
Is it horrible that I hope its the former?
