Why I want to live in an intentional community

I decided to write about something that has been on my heart, stronger and stronger especially over the last couple of years-the desire to live in an intentional community. I haven't always known the name for it, but being exposed to community living situations has always felt "right", like it is what humans are supposed to do. I've always been an extrovert, I get energy and happiness when I am around others and dislike being alone. I've always felt the most at peace surrounded by a large amount of friends and family.

I think in college I started to recognize the benefits and challenges of living in community. I loved living in the dorms, and although there will always be drama if you throw a bunch of young adult women in the same living quarters, these times of drama taught me what it means to compromise, share, love others unconditionally and be helpful, respectful and humble when you don't feel like it. Then I read "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. All of a sudden, these desires and dreams I had for life had a name-"intentional community". I couldn't believe this was a real thing!

Since college, I have been an intentional community member without an intentional community. I married Jay and we moved 7 times within 3 different states. Now we have lived somewhere the longest in our marriage, and I have started seriously thinking about community and why I desire it so bad. I have also started thinking seriously about religion and living like Jesus. And for me, thinking usually leads to word vomit on a blog, so here we go.

Why I want to live in an intentional community:
#1. Serving others more effectively
Since I've started getting serious about living like Jesus, I've come to realize that making efforts to further his "kingdom" always works better in a group. More hands and minds simply = more effective results. Living in a community of people who share the same burden to care for the needs of others around us means that we can really make a difference.

#2. Learning to be real with others
You can't hide very much when you live with others. We all have an ugly side that we don't want the world to see, but there's something beautiful and healthy about being able to be yourself around people who aren't in your immediate family. Too often we wear masks around each other, and then when people struggle they feel like something is wrong with them because everyone else seems to have it all together. Being able to be real with others shows that we are all human and that it is OK to not be so "together" all the time.

#3. Learning to compromise and let go of control
When you live on your own, you get to make all the decisions. Everything is self centered. When you get married, things often become "his way" or "her way" and compromise is a difficult lesson to learn, so difficult that it often leads to divorce because people are so inherently selfish. Living in a community takes this one step farther-not only do you learn to compromise with your spouse, but also with a house full of other people who have different thoughts and opinions. There's really no other way to "train" yourself to let go of selfish nature than to force yourself to not have so much control.

#4. Financial
Its very simple. More people sharing financial responsibility = less financial burden on everyone. Sharing costs for housing and utilities leads to individual and group financial freedom, which releases us from the chains of debt and allows us to be happier and give more money to others. Not only this, but it also helps release us of the dependency on full time jobs and living paycheck to paycheck, and allows us to spare more time to be with family, friends, and serve the community. It allows people to work because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to. What a beautiful thing!

#5. Housework sharing
When you own your own house, you (and your spouse/kids) are responsible for all of the meal planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. This can become such a burden that sometimes you have to choose between having a clean house with dinner on the table every night and relationships with your family and others. This is not right! Many people sharing cleaning, meal planning and cooking and household maintenance duties relieves so much of the burden on individuals, and frees up time and energy to do things that matter!

#6. Strengthening of marriages
Not only do the lessons you learn in a community help you better relate to your spouse (like compromise, serving others together, being real, etc), but you also view other marriages first hand and are forced to look at the strengths and weaknesses of your own marriage in light of others'. You don't get blinded by the mundane day to day routine, and instead your marriage is enlightened, supported and  revitalized by the presence of other healthy marriages. You also have accountability to spend time alone together as a couple to strengthen the bond as well. There are no excuses to not make your marriage a priority when there is financial burden sharing, housework sharing, and free babysitting!

#7. Accountability
Along the lines of being "real" with others, living in community gives you a built in accountability system, which improves the efforts of individuals working on aspects of themselves that they wish they could change. Laziness is not an option in community, because everyone depends on each other.

#8. Teaching our children all of the above lessons.
I don't want my kids to ever remember a time that they didn't live in community, which is one of the reasons that now that I have kids, I'm so eager and ready to go. I want these lessons to be ingrained in my children-not something that they have to learn in their 20s or 30s like me. I want them to inherently share, compromise and help one another and others in the community. I don't want them to even know there is another way to live. Maybe someday they will choose to live the American Dream with their families in a house of their own, but no matter what they end up doing, they will carry these values and lessons with them. I don't want them to feel that they have to be conformed to the world of the normalcy of working full time, living paycheck to paycheck and fighting debt constantly just to keep up with the Joneses. The best way to teach this is to live by example!

#9. Permanent "church"
When two or three are gathered...there He is. Bam. When there is no travel involved for anyone, finding a time to regularly study the Bible with others or worship is not quite as difficult. Instead, it can become part of the routine of day to day living, rather than being a separate entity.

#10. Opportunity to become a place of refuge for others
The ideal situation for me would be to have a place big enough that everyone has their own "space" (bedrooms, bathroom) yet a common living area (kitchen, living room, entertainment area, etc). In addition, it would be awesome to have extra individual "spaces" so that when there is a need, we have shelter, food and company. This could be family coming into town, friends of friends who can't afford a hotel in the area, and even extend to homeless or otherwise burdened people who need the community just as much as we do. No time frames, no cost, no expectations-just a place for people to be until they are on their feet.

Putting it all together, I just don't see the downside. Honestly, every downside I find stems from selfishness- I want a house of my own, I want to have control and make all the decisions, I don't want to have to deal with others all the time, I don't want to share, I don't want to feel so convicted all the time.

I am not under any illusion that it is easy to live in community-in fact, I think it is quite the opposite, but I think it is the healthiest, most Jesus-serving option for my life. I'm not saying that it is for everyone, but I know that I could definitely stand to learn many of the lessons that I need to learn by living in community. The challenges to be a better person and the freedom to live and serve are so desirable to me that I am finding it very difficult to be patient and let the community be ready for this too. I know it will happen when the time is right, IF the time is ever right. But when it is, I'm ready and willing to join together with others to combine hearts and efforts to be better people and a better community that reflects the image of Jesus.