Well, here I am. In Nashville. And no, it doesn't feel real yet. I still feel like I'm on some kind of vacation, and I probably will until I get a job and a place to live.
Living with my dad has been.......okay. I am certainly ready to move out when the time comes, but it hasn't been terrible. Its just weird to be used to living alone and then...BAM! You live with 3 others. I'm sure thats the way my dad and Val feel too, so I have some sympathy. But I'm ready to find jobs, a place to live, and settle down.
So basically, my life has been filled with sleeping in and staying up late, which is gonna kill me when I finally do get a job. I hate that I'm such a night owl!
I promise my next update will be a lot more interesting. Lots of things swirling around in my mind right now, but they're not ready to be put on paper quite yet.
7.30.2007
7.11.2007
Stress
I knew packing was hard and stressful, but I didn't realize how much! And its magnified 10x since Jay isn't here...I didn't start packing until he left on Sunday, and now I'm completely overwhelmed. I've packed sooo much, but there is still so much more to go, and it barely even looks like I made a dent. I can't wait until I can actually see results! It literally took me 2 days to pack the kitchen...there are sooo many things, especially breakables, in the kitchen that it took forever! Its also difficult to try to figure out what we're going to need for the couple of months we are living with my dad and what we can keep in storage until we find a place of our own.
If packing itself wasn't stressful enough, there's the truck issue....we got a really good deal on a truck company that drives it down for you AND pays for gas...but unfortunetly that means we have to take the bad with the good. The price we were quoted was for 10 feet of space on the truck, and every extra foot is $27. So I know we're going to be paying a lot extra, but at least we have the option of using more truck space. The big stress though, is that usually they would drop off the truck to you one day, and pick it up when you're ready, but apparently in Boston there's a special "rule" that the driver has to be with the truck at all times. Because of this, they only give you a free HOUR to pack the truck, and every additional 15 minutes is $34!! And obviously since we booked the truck for a thursday (it was cheapest...), most of our friends will be at work. And I can't find out what time the truck comes until Monday at the earliest. I am hoping I can get them to come as late as possible so that we can move everything outside first before the truck gets here, and then it wont take as long to load the truck when its time.
I am also lacking in the supplies department...I have been warned by 3 different people now that we need packing blankets (NOT provided by the truck company) and a dolly to move the piano. Researching where the heck to rent/buy these things is really not what I want to be doing right now when I'm already stressed enough about packing.
And then there's all our friends who keep asking us when we can hang out, even just for dinner, and at this point our schedules are so booked with saying goodbye to people that we hardly even have time to pack! We want to see our friends sooo bad and hang out with them as much as possible before we leave, but we're already booked solid, and there's still friends who we didn't even plan to see before we go. Its really sad and again....stressful.
Just one and a half more weeks of this craziness....
If packing itself wasn't stressful enough, there's the truck issue....we got a really good deal on a truck company that drives it down for you AND pays for gas...but unfortunetly that means we have to take the bad with the good. The price we were quoted was for 10 feet of space on the truck, and every extra foot is $27. So I know we're going to be paying a lot extra, but at least we have the option of using more truck space. The big stress though, is that usually they would drop off the truck to you one day, and pick it up when you're ready, but apparently in Boston there's a special "rule" that the driver has to be with the truck at all times. Because of this, they only give you a free HOUR to pack the truck, and every additional 15 minutes is $34!! And obviously since we booked the truck for a thursday (it was cheapest...), most of our friends will be at work. And I can't find out what time the truck comes until Monday at the earliest. I am hoping I can get them to come as late as possible so that we can move everything outside first before the truck gets here, and then it wont take as long to load the truck when its time.
I am also lacking in the supplies department...I have been warned by 3 different people now that we need packing blankets (NOT provided by the truck company) and a dolly to move the piano. Researching where the heck to rent/buy these things is really not what I want to be doing right now when I'm already stressed enough about packing.
And then there's all our friends who keep asking us when we can hang out, even just for dinner, and at this point our schedules are so booked with saying goodbye to people that we hardly even have time to pack! We want to see our friends sooo bad and hang out with them as much as possible before we leave, but we're already booked solid, and there's still friends who we didn't even plan to see before we go. Its really sad and again....stressful.
Just one and a half more weeks of this craziness....
7.04.2007
Sensitivity
One of the things I hate most about myself is how hypersensitive I am. Sometimes something someone says to me that rubs me the wrong way will bother me for weeks, months, or even years. Even more so, if I ever feel that something I did offended someone in any way, it eats away at me for the longest time. The fact that I'm completely non-confrontational doesn't help either...because I tend to let things roll off my back that really hurt me, and then I internalize it all, or lash out at someone who doesn't deserve it. I just HATE how something sooo small, that usually no one else cares about or notices, can ruin my whole day. I wish I could actually live the way I talk... "you shouldn't care what people think about you" or "I'm sure they didnt mean it that way" or "just forget about it, its not a big deal." But I physically can't do it. I just end up feeling like a doormat most of the time, and I hate it. I constantly worry 24/7 that someone is mad at me, or that someone doesn't think I'm a good friend, at the same time internalizing bitterness and frustration for people.
Sure, sometimes it is a good thing to be sensitive, primarily because it makes me hypersensitive to others. I absolutely go out of my way to make people feel loved, probably because sometimes I don't feel loved myself. I work my tail off to help my friends with wedding things, and of course part of that is because I enjoy it and love weddings, but its mostly because I love my friends and I want them to know it. But at the same time, during my wedding, I felt guilty and like a huge pain to all my friends when asking for help with the littlest things, even though I know its my own reality and not true reality. Being caring and sensitive toward others is a good thing, especially when I am going into a career someday that will really use those skills, but it sucks when it makes me feel unloved and unappreciated, for no reason at all.
I just wish it was a switch in me somehow- that I could turn on and off. Its exhausting....and I wish I could change, but I've been like this ever since I was little. I guess I just have to figure out how to deal with it constructively, instead of letting it eat away at me. I just wish it wasn't so difficult.
Sure, sometimes it is a good thing to be sensitive, primarily because it makes me hypersensitive to others. I absolutely go out of my way to make people feel loved, probably because sometimes I don't feel loved myself. I work my tail off to help my friends with wedding things, and of course part of that is because I enjoy it and love weddings, but its mostly because I love my friends and I want them to know it. But at the same time, during my wedding, I felt guilty and like a huge pain to all my friends when asking for help with the littlest things, even though I know its my own reality and not true reality. Being caring and sensitive toward others is a good thing, especially when I am going into a career someday that will really use those skills, but it sucks when it makes me feel unloved and unappreciated, for no reason at all.
I just wish it was a switch in me somehow- that I could turn on and off. Its exhausting....and I wish I could change, but I've been like this ever since I was little. I guess I just have to figure out how to deal with it constructively, instead of letting it eat away at me. I just wish it wasn't so difficult.
6.30.2007
Hallelujah...the yardsale is O-V-A!
Which means now I have to tackle packing. *sigh*
Moving is stirring up so many emotions in me, its making me not able to sleep. I am SO excited...for so many reasons. My best friend and the man I love and I get to start on an adventure together- having only each other to rely on along the way. We will get to explore new things together, look for apartments/houses, figure out things together from where to buy our groceries to where to attend church. Our friendships with others will be tested- and I will pour my heart into those relationships which I wish to keep and simply back off from the ones I dont. I get to look for a new job-in whatever I feel led to do, we get to start over...together.
However, although we are not worried about our true friendships with others lasting, it will be sad nonetheless to leave those convenient ties behind. So often I take for granted that I can call almost all of my friends, and be to their house in 30 minutes or less if I want to. It will be very sad not being able to be included in things like birthday parties, group get-togethers and maybe even some wedding activities. I firmly trust in the bonds I have with most of my friends, and am ready for the extra work it is going to take to sustain those relationships from a distance. It is still sad though...to leave behind everything familiar and be on our own in a new place which might be scary at first.
There's also the slight guilt I feel for leaving the church and the teens....we poured our hearts into them....maybe even a little too much so...to the point where we didn't have time for ourselves and to nurse our new bond as husband and wife. This is both a reason why it is good we are leaving, and a reason why it is sad to leave them. We are so close to our teens, and we really love them and care about them. Luckily, they have already hired a new youth pastor, so we are relieved about that. We hope they will be in good hands! And we also hope nobody in the church thinks we're selfish for leaving, because sometimes I feel like we are.
I know all these feelings are okay, and most of them even healthy, but it makes me feel like such a girl. You know, an emotional train wreck. At this point I am just so ready to move on to our next stage of life, and I am so excited to strengthen bonds with both my husband and my friends through this experience.
I can't think of a closing zinger so thats going to have to do.
Moving is stirring up so many emotions in me, its making me not able to sleep. I am SO excited...for so many reasons. My best friend and the man I love and I get to start on an adventure together- having only each other to rely on along the way. We will get to explore new things together, look for apartments/houses, figure out things together from where to buy our groceries to where to attend church. Our friendships with others will be tested- and I will pour my heart into those relationships which I wish to keep and simply back off from the ones I dont. I get to look for a new job-in whatever I feel led to do, we get to start over...together.
However, although we are not worried about our true friendships with others lasting, it will be sad nonetheless to leave those convenient ties behind. So often I take for granted that I can call almost all of my friends, and be to their house in 30 minutes or less if I want to. It will be very sad not being able to be included in things like birthday parties, group get-togethers and maybe even some wedding activities. I firmly trust in the bonds I have with most of my friends, and am ready for the extra work it is going to take to sustain those relationships from a distance. It is still sad though...to leave behind everything familiar and be on our own in a new place which might be scary at first.
There's also the slight guilt I feel for leaving the church and the teens....we poured our hearts into them....maybe even a little too much so...to the point where we didn't have time for ourselves and to nurse our new bond as husband and wife. This is both a reason why it is good we are leaving, and a reason why it is sad to leave them. We are so close to our teens, and we really love them and care about them. Luckily, they have already hired a new youth pastor, so we are relieved about that. We hope they will be in good hands! And we also hope nobody in the church thinks we're selfish for leaving, because sometimes I feel like we are.
I know all these feelings are okay, and most of them even healthy, but it makes me feel like such a girl. You know, an emotional train wreck. At this point I am just so ready to move on to our next stage of life, and I am so excited to strengthen bonds with both my husband and my friends through this experience.
I can't think of a closing zinger so thats going to have to do.
6.29.2007
Yardsale Craziness
I am sooo ready for our yardsale to be over. We spent ALL day today pricing and organizing things....we have really built up a lot of crap over the years, which is really sad considering how young we both are. Definitely a lesson in materialism...
Anyways, I am sooo ready for it to be over!
Anyways, I am sooo ready for it to be over!
6.28.2007
The beginning or the end?
I'm starting to get scared. Its beginning to feel real finally....and I don't know if I'm ready! Are we doing the right thing? Are we going to be miserable when we get down there and realize that we left everything we know? There are so many unknowns ahead....pretty much everything! If nothing else, God is really teaching me a big lesson in patience and trust in Him. It is just so scary to not have any idea where we're going to live or work in a couple months. It is so unlike me to pick up and move somewhere without any sort of plans, or even knowing if I'll get into school. But I have never felt stronger that it is God's will for us...he is pulling us out of our comfort zones and showing us how to have ultimate faith in Him. And thats what is most important!
6.20.2007
A bunch of firsts..
A couple of weeks ago, I coordinated my first wedding (of a non-friend). It was absolutely great. I couldn't help thinking, as I drove to the reception site in my black dress and sunglasses, ready to take charge, that I was born to do this! There were a few normal hitches, but overall, everything went really really well. I got along great with all the vendors (which is huge!) and the bride and groom profusely thanked me at the end of the night and even gave me a 50% tip! Haha. It was really great. I hope in Nashville I can continue doing this! I am doing Amy Lemieux's wedding on Saturday in Vermont too, so I'm excited about that since I leave for VT tomorrow!!
I've been shadowing a midwife this past week, which has also been amazing. Is it possible to feel like you were born to do 2 complely different occupations? At the same time? Haha. It has been awesome...she has totally solidified in my mind my definition of midwives, and validated my reasons for wanting to become one. On Monday, I saw my first live birth! It was amazing!! Incredible. I can't wait to start school. I feel like its so far away, but I know how fast a year can go.
Jay and I have been packing here and there, mostly preparing for our yard sale. (June 30th, if you want to come!!) It is kind of sad, as packing reminds me of unpacking when we were brand new newlyweds, into our first home. It will be sad to leave the first place we lived together, but it has to happen sometime. I just hope we don't have to live with my dad too long...
It is driving me NUTS not to be able to PLAN anything. I am sooo anally detail and future oriented that I am driving myself nuts. I keep trying to look up apartments, jobs, etc. but then my dad or Jay reminds me that I can't do either of those things until we get down there. Its still too early to find a job, and we want to make sure we live near our jobs, so its too early to find an apartment/condo (we havent decided yet what we can afford...) too. Its so annoying, but I'm trying to let go and let God.
I just took Trot to the vet for what I thought was ringworm...it was a bugbite. Haha. I am renouncing medicine as my life purpose.
I've been shadowing a midwife this past week, which has also been amazing. Is it possible to feel like you were born to do 2 complely different occupations? At the same time? Haha. It has been awesome...she has totally solidified in my mind my definition of midwives, and validated my reasons for wanting to become one. On Monday, I saw my first live birth! It was amazing!! Incredible. I can't wait to start school. I feel like its so far away, but I know how fast a year can go.
Jay and I have been packing here and there, mostly preparing for our yard sale. (June 30th, if you want to come!!) It is kind of sad, as packing reminds me of unpacking when we were brand new newlyweds, into our first home. It will be sad to leave the first place we lived together, but it has to happen sometime. I just hope we don't have to live with my dad too long...
It is driving me NUTS not to be able to PLAN anything. I am sooo anally detail and future oriented that I am driving myself nuts. I keep trying to look up apartments, jobs, etc. but then my dad or Jay reminds me that I can't do either of those things until we get down there. Its still too early to find a job, and we want to make sure we live near our jobs, so its too early to find an apartment/condo (we havent decided yet what we can afford...) too. Its so annoying, but I'm trying to let go and let God.
I just took Trot to the vet for what I thought was ringworm...it was a bugbite. Haha. I am renouncing medicine as my life purpose.
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