A little too morbid?

I've always been a little morbid. My cousin, Missy, always tells me the story about how once, when she was babysitting me around Christmastime, I was playing with the nativity scene my mom had on top of the piano. There were all kinds of animals in this scene, including a dog for some reason, which was my favorite, of course. Apparently I found Missy to tell her about what I had been doing. I matter-of-factly told her... "The dog is Mary's helper. If the dog barks 1 time, Mary's hungry. If the dog barks 3 times, Mary's thirsty. If the dog barks 3 times, Mary's tired. If the dog barks 4 times, Mary needs help taking care of baby Jesus. If the dog barks 5 times.....MARY'S DEAD."

Humorous, yes. However, leave it to me to turn a joyous celebration of the birth of our Saviour into a morbid situation at 5 years of age. Go figure...

Anyways, it hasn't really changed much as I've gotten older. I find myself thinking about death a lot. Not at all in a "I-want-to-kill-somebody" way, more in a pensive, soul-searching way. I often wonder where the line is between living each day like it is your last, and planning for the future. Or the line between always tying up loose ends, forgiving and loving your dear ones, in case you may never see them again, and living in paranoia every day that they might be taken away from you.

I'd like to think that I am not naive and ignorant about death, and that I accept its reality and how it affects us all someday. I think a lot of people don't like to think about death, and never will until it hits them when a loved one dies, or when they find themselves on their deathbed. I am not afraid of death, as I have found salvation in Jesus, but I am afraid of Satan's grip on death. So often he uses it to pull people away from the Lord in their grief.

I always wonder if my death will be a peaceful or tragic one. It will be a mystery until it happens. I find it to be selfish to not allow yourself to ever think about yourself dying someday, for your family and friends. It is very important to me that my family is taken care of when I die, as funerals, etc. can be SO expensive. It is important for your family to know your wishes so that they don't have stress to add to their grief. I've told Jay that I do not want a burial (I visited a funeral home in a class in college, and coffins themselves can be up to $5000!!!), instead, I want my body donated to science where it can help other people. What better way to continue helping others, even after you've passed? My body would just rot away in my expensive coffin, and for what?

Yes, maybe I am a little too morbid. I guess its just the way I am. I have never wanted to avoid death, because it is a natural event that occurs to everyone at some point or other. I'd rather embrace it, because its part of the beautiful world that God created. {Insert cheesy "Circle of Life" song here.}