I had two febrile seizures when I was 9 months old. My mom tells me about them all the time and how scary they were for her and my dad. When I had my first one, they were on vacation in WV, which made it that much worse. So far away from home, not knowing what to do. Knowing that there is a theorized genetic basis for predisposition to these febrile seizures, I made sure when I had Carter that I learned what to do. Despite that and my nursing background, seeing your baby seize is not something I could ever be prepared for.
I got home from my 24 hour call shift early this morning around 8:15am. The crazy part is that there are so many reasons why I should NOT have been home at that time. First of all, I was originally supposed to be on 12 hours on Saturday and 12 hours on Sunday, but I switched with one of the other midwives to do one 24 on Saturday instead. So originally I was supposed to be at the hospital this morning. Also, our call shifts end at 8am, so because I live so far away, I don't usually get home until around 9. This morning, there was a snowstorm beginning and I wanted to get home as soon as possible so I worked it out with the midwife coming on call to leave an hour early-at 7am. The fact that I was home this morning was a miracle. I don't know if I believe in miracles or God's hand in our daily lives, but today has really gotten me thinking about it. Hard.
As usual, I called Jay on my way home from work and asked how his day/night went. He told me that Carter had woken up at 4am crying (unusual for him), but he brought him into bed with him and he went back to sleep until 7am, when he woke up for the day. He mentioned that he felt really hot, but he was acting fine, eating and playing after he woke up.
So back to 8:15am. I did get to sleep last night for about 4-5 hours (interrupted sleep), but I was obviously still tired so I planned to put Carter down for his morning nap around 8:30 and doze off myself as well. I noticed that he felt hot as well, so I gave him a dose of Motrin and put him down for his nap. I then laid down myself. Of course this was after taking out my contacts, wiping off all my makeup, and getting into pajamas. (These things always happen when you are not public "ready"!!)
Within about 5 minutes, I heard the strangest sounds coming from his room-first a high pitched wailing that was NOT a sound I had ever heard come from him, and then I heard his voice start shaking. I flew out of bed and into his room and saw him convulsing. At first I thought-maybe he had a bad dream and he is having a hard time waking. But as soon as I picked him up, I knew he was having a seizure. I yelled for Jay, who came into the room, and I told him what was happening. He said "what do we do?" I paused for a moment, holding my poor convulsing baby, took a deep breath and cleared my mind. I had to literally tell myself to STOP being a panicked mom and start being a nurse. I told Jay to call the doctor's office and I went and sat down on the couch with Carter, still convulsing. He was jerking, but wasn't turning blue anywhere and seemed to be getting breaths in between jerks, so I just kept breathing and holding him.
While Jay was waiting for the on call doctor to be paged and call us back, I asked him to get a cool cloth, which I started wiping Carter down with. The seizure lasted around 2-3 minutes (I'm estimating, seemed like much longer!) and he had stopped convulsing by the time the doctor called us. He of course asked a bunch of questions and then eventually told us we should go to the ER to be checked out since this was his first one. He recommended calling an ambulance because of the snowstorm. Jay called ENC security who called for an ambulance for us.
It was the postictal period that was the scariest for me. After he stopped convulsing, he just laid limp in my arms and moaned a little bit. His eyes were closed and he was pretty much unresponsive. I just kept holding him and telling him I was there and kissing him, making sure he was still breathing. I was terrified that this phase was lasting too long and he should be a little more responsive. At this point, I had Jay hold him and I went and threw on some clothes and got his diaper bag together. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what to do and what we would need to bring with us.
After about 5 minutes, as I was in the other room, I heard Carter start to cry (actually, scream bloody murder) and I actually breathed a sigh of relief that at least this was a sign he was more "with it". Jay looked at me, worried, and I said "I would rather him be crying than unresponsive and limp!". He screamed non stop until we were well into our hospital stay. It was so awful to not be able to calm him.
The paramedics were really nice, and I rode in the back of the ambulance (on the stretcher!) with Carter while Jay drove our car to the hospital. Apparently, it was at this point that he called a bunch of people in a panic to let them know what was going on (poor guy). I'm glad he had the support during a drive which was probably scary, not knowing how Carter was doing in the ambulance.
We arrived at the hospital, and I felt pretty foolish because they made me stay on the stretcher and wheeled me and Carter both in. It was really quiet in the ER so I had about 10 people looking at us, and I kind of just waved awkwardly. At this point, Carter was taking a couple of breaks between his crying to open his eyes and look around a little bit. His eyes were really glazed over and he still wasn't responding to anything I was saying or doing. They gave him a stuffed bear, which he didn't even really look at or reach for. It was really scary not knowing if he would ever be himself again!
Despite being disappointed they were taking us to Quincy Medical Center (not having the best rep for quality care...) we actually had pretty awesome care there. The doctor and nurses were really nice and attentive. While we were there, Carter got swabbed for strep throat and flu, got his rectal temp taken with a thermometer that seemed to be from 1985 (it took like 5 minutes to read!!), got his pulse and BP monitored, and got a chest x-ray. When he got his ears checked, the doctor said that one was a little reddened, so he was thinking he had a mild ear infection which was causing his fever. He gave us a script for Amoxicillin (which is another worry in itself, because Carter has never had antibiotics before and Jay and I are both PCN allergic...) and told us to keep giving him Motrin and Tylenol for the next 24 hours to keep his fever down.
During the 3.5 hours we spent in the ER, Carter started becoming more and more like himself again between little naps. He began by tracking people with his eyes and responding to his name by looking at us, then he started saying "Teddy" and reaching for the stuffed bear. By the time we left, he was pretty much his normal self again, just cranky because he hadn't slept very well during his usual naptime! We got home and put him down to sleep, at which point I realized I also really needed to sleep because I was starting to be a little incoherent. I laid down and told Jay to call Jen to figure out what we should do for anitbiotic dosing schedule/fever meds dosing schedule and pretty much told him to handle it because I couldn't stay awake any longer and be a useful human being.
Which brings me to one of my greatest blessings from today...my husband! He is beating himself up because he didn't take Carter's temp at 4am when he noticed he was warm (which actually would have been helpful information for the 500 people asking us what his temp was), but neither did I when I got home before giving him the Motrin. But Carter has had fevers before, and they always have gotten better with some meds and sleep, so how were we to know?? And yes, he could have given him meds earlier too before I got home, but who knows if even that would have been soon enough to stop the sudden spike before he started convulsing. I certainly don't blame him at all. He was such a calm, helpful, solid presence all day today, and I was so thankful to have him there with me. He took over when I crashed when we got home like a champ, making sure Carter was getting his naps, antibotics, correct fever meds and food (not easy tasks!). He is awesome.
I am especially thankful tonight because as scary as it was, I have both my husband and my son safely tucked away in my apartment, healthy and taken care of. In light of Amy Caudill's passing and the multiple horror stories I hear/read about children being taken before their time, today could have certainly been a lot worse. There was a moment today when I looked at Carter convulsing in my arms and thought that this could be his last day on earth, despite knowing how common and benign febrile seizures are. That feeling is something I never want to feel again, and it scares me just thinking about it.
My husband and my son are such blessings, and I hope I never, ever take that for granted.
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