All my life, I've been a conflict avoider. Most likely due in part to my over-sensitivity, my obsessive dislike of any contention between people, my bleeding heart...whatever.
I also like to search for truth and meaning. I like to discuss importance of things that we will never understand with others, to get various viewpoints and thoughts.
However, lately I find myself strongly averting every chance of a hearty discussion that I can....especially with people who consider themselves Christians. Do you know why? So far in my experience, Christians can be some of the most hateful people when it comes to things they feel passionate about.
Isn't Christian passion supposed to be encapsulated and filtered with love? Why can't Christians with differing viewpoints have healthy conversations with one another without being so hateful toward one another? I just don't understand.
And it makes me feel really alone sometimes....all I want is to have deep, meaningful conversations about all the things that run through my mind with someone besides my husband....but unfortunately, there aren't many people out there who can keep passion and Christ-like love intertwined during a healthy debate.
Because of this, I feel like I'm often forced to bury the part of me who wants to search for truth and meaning in life underneath the part of me that hates to upset people. Does it really have to be that way?
3.25.2009
1.29.2009
I wish today was a snow day too
I'm sitting at school....as usual, procrastinating doing all the work I need to do. Yesterday was a snow day which was SWEET but I wasted it doing absolutely nothing. It was awesome.
Don't you just wish you had all the answers? I know I do sometimes. Its exhausting to be constantly searching, reading, praying and thinking. Although I think that doing so is the best way to grow closer to God. I think if you're constantly being challenged and filled with God's grace, then you're doing it right.
I think searching, doubting and trying to understand are great things...as long as you take God's hand and invite him to journey along with you. Sometimes its too easy to tell him to stay put while you go off alone and try to find all the answers. That's how you get lost, and then you forget how to get back to where you left God behind.
I have for years, and probably always will be on a journey of faith and truth. I just pray that I will always hold onto God's hand tight through it all, so that if I feel lost I can just turn around and look into His face, until I have the strength to push through.
Don't you just wish you had all the answers? I know I do sometimes. Its exhausting to be constantly searching, reading, praying and thinking. Although I think that doing so is the best way to grow closer to God. I think if you're constantly being challenged and filled with God's grace, then you're doing it right.
I think searching, doubting and trying to understand are great things...as long as you take God's hand and invite him to journey along with you. Sometimes its too easy to tell him to stay put while you go off alone and try to find all the answers. That's how you get lost, and then you forget how to get back to where you left God behind.
I have for years, and probably always will be on a journey of faith and truth. I just pray that I will always hold onto God's hand tight through it all, so that if I feel lost I can just turn around and look into His face, until I have the strength to push through.
1.08.2009
Update on life
I realized I haven't really updated in a while...besides my short new year's post. Here goes...
I'm only 3 days into the quarter and I am already feeling overwhelmed. Grad school has challenged me in ways I've never been challenged before. As much as ENC was a great experience for me and I'd never want to go anywhere else, I realize that I've always been coddled a bit attending high school and college, which has hurt me as I'm trying to get used to being an independent student at a large University. The studying and learning is not the biggest difficulty, as I expected-it is learning confidence and clinical skills that has been the most challenging of all. I constantly crave someone to hold my hand and guide me until I am comfortable doing things on my own, but that's just not the way it is. We are expected to take initiative and have confidence, even when practicing a skill that could kill someone for the first time on a live human. Its pretty scary to me....and I really hope I can have the strength and courage to get through! It is a daily prayer of mine...
Speaking of school, what's even more exciting is that JAY is starting grad school on Monday! It happened a little suddenly, but he is finally beginning an MDiv program at Northwest Nazarene. It is all online-so no matter where life takes us he will be able to complete the program. I am so glad he is finally doing it-I'm not sure what happened for him to finally take the leap but I'm glad he did. I hate seeing him miserable in a job, even if he doesn't admit he's miserable. :) He is such a talented youth pastor already, and I can't wait to see how school gives him the skills and confidence to strengthen the gifts he already has. He amazes me every day...I would give anything to have just a little bit of his caring and positive attitude, generosity, and unwavering faith. I am so blessed to get to be married to him. :-D
As anticipated, the season of babies has officially begun. It hit almost instantly after major wedding season started to taper off, which although expected, was still really exciting and crazy! I am SO incredibly excited for all my friends and family members who are getting ready to have little ones....but at the same time, its so weird to be at this place in life. And yes, when baby fever surrounds me it is difficult not to have a twinge of it myself, but I know that we're not ready yet. Not for a while. I will just live vicariously through my friends for now! I am just enjoying the ride! :)
Updates from my last major blog....they do have a suspect in custody who they believe is the serial rapist. Although I will not celebrate until the DNA matches. And as for the anxiety issues that seem to pop up in almost every blog...I am getting help with that, which is something I've needed for a while. Darn genetics. (Just let me blame the genes, okay?? Its a coping mechanism. :))
Its probably good that because of school I don't have too much time to think about the future. It is kind of scary having NO idea where we'll be in 2 years, when I will have to do my clinicals out of Columbus. I've been half-looking....searching for connections in places we would be willing to live, but nothing solid has really turned up yet. And thats okay. It has been a healthy struggle to learn to be patient and NOT have a plan for once. I need to live day by day, or else I'm not going to make it to the end of my program. Or even to the next quarter. Haha!
I guess thats enough procrastination for one day....all you faithful readers out there (one, maybe two? lol), thanks for reading!
I'm only 3 days into the quarter and I am already feeling overwhelmed. Grad school has challenged me in ways I've never been challenged before. As much as ENC was a great experience for me and I'd never want to go anywhere else, I realize that I've always been coddled a bit attending high school and college, which has hurt me as I'm trying to get used to being an independent student at a large University. The studying and learning is not the biggest difficulty, as I expected-it is learning confidence and clinical skills that has been the most challenging of all. I constantly crave someone to hold my hand and guide me until I am comfortable doing things on my own, but that's just not the way it is. We are expected to take initiative and have confidence, even when practicing a skill that could kill someone for the first time on a live human. Its pretty scary to me....and I really hope I can have the strength and courage to get through! It is a daily prayer of mine...
Speaking of school, what's even more exciting is that JAY is starting grad school on Monday! It happened a little suddenly, but he is finally beginning an MDiv program at Northwest Nazarene. It is all online-so no matter where life takes us he will be able to complete the program. I am so glad he is finally doing it-I'm not sure what happened for him to finally take the leap but I'm glad he did. I hate seeing him miserable in a job, even if he doesn't admit he's miserable. :) He is such a talented youth pastor already, and I can't wait to see how school gives him the skills and confidence to strengthen the gifts he already has. He amazes me every day...I would give anything to have just a little bit of his caring and positive attitude, generosity, and unwavering faith. I am so blessed to get to be married to him. :-D
As anticipated, the season of babies has officially begun. It hit almost instantly after major wedding season started to taper off, which although expected, was still really exciting and crazy! I am SO incredibly excited for all my friends and family members who are getting ready to have little ones....but at the same time, its so weird to be at this place in life. And yes, when baby fever surrounds me it is difficult not to have a twinge of it myself, but I know that we're not ready yet. Not for a while. I will just live vicariously through my friends for now! I am just enjoying the ride! :)
Updates from my last major blog....they do have a suspect in custody who they believe is the serial rapist. Although I will not celebrate until the DNA matches. And as for the anxiety issues that seem to pop up in almost every blog...I am getting help with that, which is something I've needed for a while. Darn genetics. (Just let me blame the genes, okay?? Its a coping mechanism. :))
Its probably good that because of school I don't have too much time to think about the future. It is kind of scary having NO idea where we'll be in 2 years, when I will have to do my clinicals out of Columbus. I've been half-looking....searching for connections in places we would be willing to live, but nothing solid has really turned up yet. And thats okay. It has been a healthy struggle to learn to be patient and NOT have a plan for once. I need to live day by day, or else I'm not going to make it to the end of my program. Or even to the next quarter. Haha!
I guess thats enough procrastination for one day....all you faithful readers out there (one, maybe two? lol), thanks for reading!
1.06.2009
Another New Year's Survey
Found tucked away in my blog....had to keep the 3 year streak going!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Moved to Ohio, started grad school
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Apparently I made some last year (soely based on my answer from last year's survey) but I don't remember them! I didn't make any this year. They don't work. You shouldn't wait for the New Year to change your life.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Melanie gave birth to Gabriel....and quite a few of my friends are pregnant (or will be!!) and will deliver in 2009!!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year...
5. What countries did you visit?
None, but I visited quite a few states!
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Calmness, confidence, money :)
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 5th....the day we gave Trot up.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting grad school at OSU for sure. AND making it through my first quarter!
9. What was your biggest failure?
I feel that I am a constant failure in so many areas...my biggest failure I am unsure of!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah I was pretty sick one time when I was supposed to see Kate Voegle in concert. I was so sad to miss it.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I didnt buy it (it was my birthday present) but my GPS has gotten more use than anything else I own!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jay is and will always be my saint.... (same answer from last year!)
13. Where did most of your money go?
Moving expenses again.... *Sigh*....actually scratch that....grad school!!
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Pregnancies!
15. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Little Miss by the Spin Doctors....not because it came out but because Jay and I constantly sing it with different words. Ha!
16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder in some ways....happier in others
ii. thinner or fatter? definitely fatter
iii. richer or poorer? its hard to say with student loans....
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? praying, wedding planning
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? being lazy :)
20. How did you spend Christmas? I spent it in Mt Vernon with my family....then in South Carolina with family
22. Did you fall in love in 2008? I fell in love in 2004, but remained in love in 2008!
23. How many one-night stands? Just a few...no biggie.
4. What was your favorite TV program? I think 2008 was the year of TV....One Tree Hill, LOST, 24, House, Heroes, America's Next Top Model, The Office, Grey's Anatomy
5. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I dont hate anyone...but I would say that my friendships have shifted a lot since last year. (Same answer as last year!)
26. What was the best book you read? Twilight Series!
27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Hmm....I think I would call Hanson a rediscovery. I went to their concert out of pure historical reasons and my love for them was reborn through their new music. :)
28. What did you want and get? A GPS
29. What did you want and not get? no more war, a loving world, a Wii, furniture, all A's
30. What was your favorite film of this year? I seriously don't even know. We don't ever go to the movies! There are a lot I still want to see.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24 and had a birthday party at my mom's house.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? all As... :)
3. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? lots of scrubs. Which is great, except for the blinding red color. Other than that....what fashion?? I have lots of pretty bridesmaid dresses...does that count?
34. What kept you sane? Jay Govoni!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? "Fancy" always makes me chuckle. Hmm...I guess that one designer on Extreme Home Makeover...I dont even know his name!
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Lots of 'em! I tried to not get involved in debates though, because politics brings out the mean and hateful in people.
37. Who did you miss? I was lucky enough to see just about all of my friends and family at least once this year....I miss them all constantly though.
38. Who was the best new person you met? All of my school friends
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: Fake confidence in stressful situations if you can't find it within.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Breathe" by Anna Nalick
My answers from a year ago:
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Moved out of Massachusetts for the first time, applied to graduate school
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did make some for this year....so far, I'm not doing a very good job! I didnt make any last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin Melanie....as usual. And I have a feeling maybe next year I will have more answers! :) (At least pregnant people, not necessarily giving birth)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year...
5. What countries did you visit?
None this year :(
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Money? Haha
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 27...my first day of work....eww.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
MOVING across country, and getting into the university of cincinnati!
9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm, I'm sure I failed at many things, but not enough to ruin my year!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not anything serious. Just a few annoying colds!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
An apartment?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jay is and will always be my saint....
13. Where did most of your money go?
Definitely moving expenses!
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving was pretty exciting. At first! :)
15. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Solider Boy
16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder in some ways....happier in others
ii. thinner or fatter? definitely fatter
iii. richer or poorer? poorer...a lot poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? saving money, praying
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? spending!
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it in Nashville with my family on my dad's side!!!
22. Did you fall in love in 2007? I fell in love in 2004, but remained in love in 2007!
23. How many one-night stands? I will not even dignify this with an answer. Oops, I already did.
4. What was your favorite TV program? One Tree Hill
5. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I dont hate anyone...but I would say that my friendships have shifted a lot since last year.
26. What was the best book you read? Anything by Don Miller...and I really got into amish books too :)
27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Did I discover Mika this year? If so, HIM!!!
28. What did you want and get? Into school?
29. What did you want and not get? A bedroom set/dining room table
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Ratatouille....love it!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23 and worked at ENC, and then had a joint party with Jay where we made chicken stack ups and went bowling...but only Jay's friends came. :( (Except Jill!)
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More money...haha see a theme here??
3. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? too much work clothes...i cant wait to wear scrubs every day!!!
34. What kept you sane? Jay Govoni!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ooh, fancy? Hmm, Wentworth Miller?
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Lots of 'em
37. Who did you miss? Who didn't I miss?? We left all our awesome friends behind :)
38. Who was the best new person you met? I didn't meet these people: but getting to know Jason, Heidi, Laura and Lauren has been great!!!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: Live below your means
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Movin out! By Billy Joel! :)
My answers from TWO years ago:
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
I graduated, got married, lived away from my parents, got a puppy!
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I try not to do them, they are just unrealistic usually!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister Jessica gave birth to Embree
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year!
5. What countries did you visit?
Just the good ol' USA....Hawaii though, not too shabby.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
No debt? :)
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 28th (my wedding), October 24th (Trot's birthday) and December 26 (when we got Trot)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Definitely graduating from college!
9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm, I'm sure I failed at many things, but not enough to ruin my year!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not especially
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Trot!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jay is a saint!
13. Where did most of your money go?
The wedding, paying off debt, Trot...
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting married and getting Trot (there seems to be a theme here...)
15. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
16. Compared to this time last year,are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? probably fatter!
iii. richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Devotions
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing!
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it in Ohio with my mom and family
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? I fell in love in 2004, but remained in love in 2006!
23. How many one-night stands? Only about 6 or 7...haha just kidding!
4. What was your favorite TV program? 24
5. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I dont hate anyone...but I would say that my friendships have shifted somewhat since last year.
26. What was the best book you read? Velvet Elvis
27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Regina Spektor.
28. What did you want and get? A puppy!
29. What did you want and not get? I didn't really want anything else!
30. What was your favorite film of this year? I seriously have not seen any movies this year...haha!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 22 and I went to Dick's Last Resort with Jen and a bunch of people.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I read the Bible and prayed more
3. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? CASUAL!
34. What kept you sane? Jay Govoni!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Reese Witherspoon
36. What political issue stirred you the most? I need to get more into politics.
37. Who did you miss? My parents, Kim Hunt, Kim Amos, Emily and Joy
38. Who was the best new person you met? I dont think I met anyone?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Don't stress...its not worth it!
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:Wow, nothing comes to mind! Me, musically speechless...this is insane! Too much pressure!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Moved to Ohio, started grad school
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Apparently I made some last year (soely based on my answer from last year's survey) but I don't remember them! I didn't make any this year. They don't work. You shouldn't wait for the New Year to change your life.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Melanie gave birth to Gabriel....and quite a few of my friends are pregnant (or will be!!) and will deliver in 2009!!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year...
5. What countries did you visit?
None, but I visited quite a few states!
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Calmness, confidence, money :)
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 5th....the day we gave Trot up.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting grad school at OSU for sure. AND making it through my first quarter!
9. What was your biggest failure?
I feel that I am a constant failure in so many areas...my biggest failure I am unsure of!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah I was pretty sick one time when I was supposed to see Kate Voegle in concert. I was so sad to miss it.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I didnt buy it (it was my birthday present) but my GPS has gotten more use than anything else I own!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jay is and will always be my saint.... (same answer from last year!)
13. Where did most of your money go?
Moving expenses again.... *Sigh*....actually scratch that....grad school!!
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Pregnancies!
15. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Little Miss by the Spin Doctors....not because it came out but because Jay and I constantly sing it with different words. Ha!
16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder in some ways....happier in others
ii. thinner or fatter? definitely fatter
iii. richer or poorer? its hard to say with student loans....
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? praying, wedding planning
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? being lazy :)
20. How did you spend Christmas? I spent it in Mt Vernon with my family....then in South Carolina with family
22. Did you fall in love in 2008? I fell in love in 2004, but remained in love in 2008!
23. How many one-night stands? Just a few...no biggie.
4. What was your favorite TV program? I think 2008 was the year of TV....One Tree Hill, LOST, 24, House, Heroes, America's Next Top Model, The Office, Grey's Anatomy
5. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I dont hate anyone...but I would say that my friendships have shifted a lot since last year. (Same answer as last year!)
26. What was the best book you read? Twilight Series!
27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Hmm....I think I would call Hanson a rediscovery. I went to their concert out of pure historical reasons and my love for them was reborn through their new music. :)
28. What did you want and get? A GPS
29. What did you want and not get? no more war, a loving world, a Wii, furniture, all A's
30. What was your favorite film of this year? I seriously don't even know. We don't ever go to the movies! There are a lot I still want to see.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24 and had a birthday party at my mom's house.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? all As... :)
3. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? lots of scrubs. Which is great, except for the blinding red color. Other than that....what fashion?? I have lots of pretty bridesmaid dresses...does that count?
34. What kept you sane? Jay Govoni!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? "Fancy" always makes me chuckle. Hmm...I guess that one designer on Extreme Home Makeover...I dont even know his name!
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Lots of 'em! I tried to not get involved in debates though, because politics brings out the mean and hateful in people.
37. Who did you miss? I was lucky enough to see just about all of my friends and family at least once this year....I miss them all constantly though.
38. Who was the best new person you met? All of my school friends
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: Fake confidence in stressful situations if you can't find it within.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Breathe" by Anna Nalick
My answers from a year ago:
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Moved out of Massachusetts for the first time, applied to graduate school
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did make some for this year....so far, I'm not doing a very good job! I didnt make any last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin Melanie....as usual. And I have a feeling maybe next year I will have more answers! :) (At least pregnant people, not necessarily giving birth)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year...
5. What countries did you visit?
None this year :(
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Money? Haha
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 27...my first day of work....eww.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
MOVING across country, and getting into the university of cincinnati!
9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm, I'm sure I failed at many things, but not enough to ruin my year!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not anything serious. Just a few annoying colds!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
An apartment?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jay is and will always be my saint....
13. Where did most of your money go?
Definitely moving expenses!
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving was pretty exciting. At first! :)
15. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Solider Boy
16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder in some ways....happier in others
ii. thinner or fatter? definitely fatter
iii. richer or poorer? poorer...a lot poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? saving money, praying
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? spending!
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it in Nashville with my family on my dad's side!!!
22. Did you fall in love in 2007? I fell in love in 2004, but remained in love in 2007!
23. How many one-night stands? I will not even dignify this with an answer. Oops, I already did.
4. What was your favorite TV program? One Tree Hill
5. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I dont hate anyone...but I would say that my friendships have shifted a lot since last year.
26. What was the best book you read? Anything by Don Miller...and I really got into amish books too :)
27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Did I discover Mika this year? If so, HIM!!!
28. What did you want and get? Into school?
29. What did you want and not get? A bedroom set/dining room table
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Ratatouille....love it!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23 and worked at ENC, and then had a joint party with Jay where we made chicken stack ups and went bowling...but only Jay's friends came. :( (Except Jill!)
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More money...haha see a theme here??
3. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? too much work clothes...i cant wait to wear scrubs every day!!!
34. What kept you sane? Jay Govoni!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ooh, fancy? Hmm, Wentworth Miller?
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Lots of 'em
37. Who did you miss? Who didn't I miss?? We left all our awesome friends behind :)
38. Who was the best new person you met? I didn't meet these people: but getting to know Jason, Heidi, Laura and Lauren has been great!!!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: Live below your means
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Movin out! By Billy Joel! :)
My answers from TWO years ago:
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
I graduated, got married, lived away from my parents, got a puppy!
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I try not to do them, they are just unrealistic usually!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister Jessica gave birth to Embree
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year!
5. What countries did you visit?
Just the good ol' USA....Hawaii though, not too shabby.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
No debt? :)
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 28th (my wedding), October 24th (Trot's birthday) and December 26 (when we got Trot)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Definitely graduating from college!
9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm, I'm sure I failed at many things, but not enough to ruin my year!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not especially
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Trot!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jay is a saint!
13. Where did most of your money go?
The wedding, paying off debt, Trot...
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting married and getting Trot (there seems to be a theme here...)
15. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
16. Compared to this time last year,are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? probably fatter!
iii. richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Devotions
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing!
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it in Ohio with my mom and family
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? I fell in love in 2004, but remained in love in 2006!
23. How many one-night stands? Only about 6 or 7...haha just kidding!
4. What was your favorite TV program? 24
5. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I dont hate anyone...but I would say that my friendships have shifted somewhat since last year.
26. What was the best book you read? Velvet Elvis
27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Regina Spektor.
28. What did you want and get? A puppy!
29. What did you want and not get? I didn't really want anything else!
30. What was your favorite film of this year? I seriously have not seen any movies this year...haha!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 22 and I went to Dick's Last Resort with Jen and a bunch of people.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I read the Bible and prayed more
3. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? CASUAL!
34. What kept you sane? Jay Govoni!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Reese Witherspoon
36. What political issue stirred you the most? I need to get more into politics.
37. Who did you miss? My parents, Kim Hunt, Kim Amos, Emily and Joy
38. Who was the best new person you met? I dont think I met anyone?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Don't stress...its not worth it!
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:Wow, nothing comes to mind! Me, musically speechless...this is insane! Too much pressure!
1.03.2009
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
10 things that happened in 2008...
1. Jay and I embarked on our 4th and 5th moves (to Mt. Vernon and Columbus, respectively) since our 2 1/2 years of marriage
2. I started grad school at OSU
3. I got to be a bridesmaid in Meghan, Kimberly, Jen & Emily's weddings and was able to attend Jill's
4. We said goodbye to Trot and hello to Desmond and Penny
5. The Celtics won the NBA Championship...yeeeahhhhh!
6. Jim (my brother) and Taryn got engaged
7. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary in Amish Country!
8. We worked together for the first (and most likely, last) time (at Meharry in Nashville)
9. I went to a Hanson concert...and it was awesome.
10. Jen and Kristen got pregnant! :)
I got the idea for the top 10 list from my former blog...its kind of funny to see how much has changed since 2005!:
10 Great things that happened to me in 2005... 1. I started my last year of college. Woohoo! 2. 3. I spent 2 months of the summer in Long Beach, CA for Youth in Mission 4. The rest of the summer I got to live with my roomie of 3 years, my Snifferiero 5. I became an EMT 6. I started a teen worship team (Unknown Hour) at church and performed twice 7. I got to be biology club president for my senior year! 8. I got to live with my 3 best friends at ENC in Young- Jen, Amy and Megs! 9. I decided that I want to be a nurse practitioner/midwife after school 10. I took a songwriting class and performed (and sang!) in public
I got engaged!!!!!!!
11.22.2008
A brand new topic...
I'm going to write about something I've never written about before. My anxiety/worry. Ha! Apparently it hasn't gotten better. Actually, since hearing about the serial rapist (click the words...) in Columbus, it has increased 100 fold. The guy has attacked seven women, almost all fitting my description and location, in their homes, within miles from where I live.
My logic tells me not to panic. It won't do you any good. You are doing everything you can to stay safe...locking windows and doors, not going outside alone in the dark, staying aware of your surroundings, changing up your routine. Besides, Jay is with you during the time that most of the attacks occured, and all seven women have been alone. If only the right and left sides of my brain could agree. My emotional side says "screw you, logic! I'm freakin scared!"
But why can't I figure out where to draw the line between being a healthy scared, leading me to be cautious and smart....and being so panic-ridden that I can't think about anything else, won't take the bus, and almost cry myself to sleep every night? It is so exhausting and so frustrating.
Sunday School answer time...right? PRAY about it. READ the Bible for comfort...etc.etc.etc....
Okay. I pretty much pray about it ALL the time. Constantly. Thankfully, after heeding some advice from my incredibly intelligent sister, I have started praying the RIGHT way about it. Instead of simply praying that he wont "get" me, I pray that the police will have wisdom to catch this guy, that me and every other woman in Columbus will be alert and cautious, that I will not put myself in dangerous situations, even that He will work in the heart of the rapist. I read and repeat scripture to myself as well....you know, the whole "do not be anxious about anything...." passage and such.
These things are supposed to bring me comfort and peace, right? So why aren't they? Why do I still feel like I am living in fear, especially when I am alone in my own apartment? Why do I have this incredible paranoia?
Am I just crazy or am I lacking in faith?
Is it horrible that I hope its the former?
My logic tells me not to panic. It won't do you any good. You are doing everything you can to stay safe...locking windows and doors, not going outside alone in the dark, staying aware of your surroundings, changing up your routine. Besides, Jay is with you during the time that most of the attacks occured, and all seven women have been alone. If only the right and left sides of my brain could agree. My emotional side says "screw you, logic! I'm freakin scared!"
But why can't I figure out where to draw the line between being a healthy scared, leading me to be cautious and smart....and being so panic-ridden that I can't think about anything else, won't take the bus, and almost cry myself to sleep every night? It is so exhausting and so frustrating.
Sunday School answer time...right? PRAY about it. READ the Bible for comfort...etc.etc.etc....
Okay. I pretty much pray about it ALL the time. Constantly. Thankfully, after heeding some advice from my incredibly intelligent sister, I have started praying the RIGHT way about it. Instead of simply praying that he wont "get" me, I pray that the police will have wisdom to catch this guy, that me and every other woman in Columbus will be alert and cautious, that I will not put myself in dangerous situations, even that He will work in the heart of the rapist. I read and repeat scripture to myself as well....you know, the whole "do not be anxious about anything...." passage and such.
These things are supposed to bring me comfort and peace, right? So why aren't they? Why do I still feel like I am living in fear, especially when I am alone in my own apartment? Why do I have this incredible paranoia?
Am I just crazy or am I lacking in faith?
Is it horrible that I hope its the former?
10.22.2008
Touching on a touchy subject...
As I was in the midst of procrastinating for the day, I came across a recent blog from my friend Dave. It talked about some issues that I find to be near and dear to my heart....so I thought I'd write my own blog to get some of my thoughts on paper. I mean...computer. Whatever.
Growing up in a family with a homosexual family member, it has always been a slightly touchy subject for me, and I was always a little scared to look into it or talk about it. When I got to college and was instructed to write a 10 page research paper on a topic, it was easy to choose, and I learned a lot through my paper and throughout the rest of college with my biology major, psychology minor and religion classes.
Bottom line: I am so ashamed of the way the Church (used loosely here) treats homosexuals. I've always been a "bleeding heart", and perhaps this is just another one of those times where I sit and think about the person and how they feel inside rather than what they do or say on the outside. I don't think the issue within the church right now is whether homosexuality is right or wrong (that can be a whole other topic for another day...), but rather how we can love homosexuals with CHRIST'S love, and help them feel comfortable in a body of believers and get to a place where they have a personal, deep relationship with God, allowing Him to speak to their hearts in a way no human can.
For some reason, homosexuality seems to be the "ultimate" sin in the Church....even though it is clearly also taught that all sins are equal. If a homosexual lifestyle is considered a sin (which like I said, is a whole different topic here...), then why is it given a special, SEPARATE place in the hearts of those who condemn it?
When you are watching TV....in which situation are you more apt to feel saddened by the amount of sin you are watching across the screen? Would it be while watching 24, where at least 100 people are mercilessly murdered each episode, or watching a show that portrays a homosexual relationship or encounter? I, myself, am guilty for watching shows like 24 (just the first example that came to my head...a show I completely love by the way!) and being completely jaded and unaffected by the amount of death, even to the point of getting fired up and excited because the "bad guys" are getting killed! On the other hand, people are shocked and saddened when there is a homosexual scene or theme to a show. What is wrong with this picture?? Honestly, either be jaded by both shows (which I dont recommend...haha) or think about it and realize that one act is not above or below another in God's eyes.
In another example, as Dave stated in his blog...why is it okay to gloss over parts of scripture that talk about loving our neighbor and not using violence toward others, but hold firm to the parts that talk about the definition of marriage? This doesn't make sense to me! We are not in a position to pick and choose parts of the Bible to hold fast to and avert our eyes at others. Just because "everybody's doing it" and the fact that it seems to be a social norm and accepted practice doesn't make it right.
I think one reason for the fact that homosexuality is put on a different level is because it is usually a lifestyle-and in some people's eyes, a "decision" that one makes day after day. It is also a public affair, when the person decides to "come out", thus displaying it to the world whether they want to or not, rather than keeping something like an adulterous relationship or drug dependency under wraps for years so that no one will know about it. However, I think that people need to separate themselves from the black and white view of right and wrong, and use the brains that God has blessed them with, the hearts that He has provided as a channel directly to Him, and the fellowship of so many other people living the same struggles we do every day.
I did find in my research a physiological and genetic component to homosexuality. This means that it may not necessarily be the "choice" that some people think it is. No, there is no "gay gene", but there is certainly an underlying genetic predisposition to sexual issues in general, which may be played out as a pornography addiction, sexual addiction or dysfunction, or homosexuality. Just as there is a genetic component to predispose someone to be addicted to alcohol. However, in the alcohol situation, if a person doesn't touch alcohol for their entire lives, the genetic predisposition will probably not affect them. In a person with predisposition to sexual issues, it is something that will affect them day after day of their entire lives. Especially if they search for and find love-something everyone strives for.
Some churches tend to be "choosy" as to who they will open their arms to in welcome and acceptance. Do you think the church is more likely to open its doors to a person who has a problem with lying, stealing, or substance abuse...... or a homosexual? The answer to that question in most cases saddens me. No matter what your opinions are on right and wrong, or how much you disagree with someone else, we are still called to LOVE EVERYBODY. And what a horrible way to love somebody to deny them the experience of having a loving church home where they can feel accepted enough to be free and honest with God!!!
It is SO easy to point fingers at others. When its not you and your thoughts and feelings, the answers and solutions seem simple. You will tell the alcoholic "just stop drinking!" or the liar "just stop lying to people!" or the adulterer "just stop cheating on your husband!" or the homosexual "just stop having romantic feelings for members of the same sex!" However, if you have ever been in one of those situations, it is not that simple. Emotions, feelings, desires and predispositions are STRONG and are even harder to overcome than physical obstacles. And because levels of these things differ for everyone, it is impossible to know how somebody feels inside or how hard or impossible it feels for them to stop doing what they are doing. Homosexuality is not something that someone can "snap out of", and it saddens me that a lot of fundamentalists tend to see it this way. And telling a homosexual to just stop doing what feels right to them is incredibly offensive...not to mention that it will make them want to tune out the rest of what you say.
I am a huge believer in Maslow's heirarchy of needs...I feel that it applies to so many situations in this world. If you havent had psych in a few years, I'll give you this diagram below that describes what I'm talking about. The theory basically says that you MUST meet people where they're at- once people have one layer of needs met, they will be searching for and wanting the next level. An illustration of this point would be the fact that a homeless person, who has no food, shelter or safety, is not going to be receptive to a message about self-actualization or self-esteem, because they can't even think that far ahead until their basic needs are met. This works for just about every situation. This is why missionaries must meet the basic needs of the people they are ministering to- before they can even open their mouths about Jesus and God's word.
Notice that "love and belonging" is the 3rd need-right after physiological and security needs. This is HUGE. And it also means that until people feel loved and that they belong, they are not going to be open to the higher levels of soul-searching and self discovery. That being said, the church needs to EMBRACE sinners, not turn them away. Before we can even get into a discussion of right and wrong, we need to first LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Once a person has established trust, belonging and love through a body of believers, they will be more receptive and open to whatever opinions you may have about their choices or lifestyle. Think abot it....would you rather a friend tell you that you have a drinking problem, or a stranger?
Honestly, until the Church can get this part right, I don't even want to open the doors for discussion on right and wrong. Once we can find it in our hearts to love and accept PEOPLE, we can engage in deeper debates about biblical marriage and homosexuality in the context of love and trust. This doesn't only apply to homosexuality, either...it can be true across the board. It just seems that for some reason, homosexuals are getting pushed from the church because of people expressing their opinion before expressing love. And that REALLY saddens me. Because I know for a fact that Jesus loves everyone no matter who they are, and I want to show everybody that before I start discussing my disagreement with something so personal as their lifestyle and feelings.
I am not sure of the coherence of this post...it kind of came out in fragmented thoughts rather than well thought out and organized, but lets face it...I dont have time to proof-read. :) I just hope that I got my message across, and that people gathered that:
1) I am not condoning or condemning a homosexual lifestyle, (maybe my next post I'll dive into that...) but I do feel strongly that it is not simply a "choice" and that there is a huge need for sensitivity in the Church
2) I am not saying that Christians don't have a responsibility to judge, or that they should gloss over and accept things that they feel are wrong. Healthy debates are important and meangingful, however, they must be in the context of love and trust.
I suppose I should start studying for midterms now. Haha. Your thoughts?
Growing up in a family with a homosexual family member, it has always been a slightly touchy subject for me, and I was always a little scared to look into it or talk about it. When I got to college and was instructed to write a 10 page research paper on a topic, it was easy to choose, and I learned a lot through my paper and throughout the rest of college with my biology major, psychology minor and religion classes.
Bottom line: I am so ashamed of the way the Church (used loosely here) treats homosexuals. I've always been a "bleeding heart", and perhaps this is just another one of those times where I sit and think about the person and how they feel inside rather than what they do or say on the outside. I don't think the issue within the church right now is whether homosexuality is right or wrong (that can be a whole other topic for another day...), but rather how we can love homosexuals with CHRIST'S love, and help them feel comfortable in a body of believers and get to a place where they have a personal, deep relationship with God, allowing Him to speak to their hearts in a way no human can.
For some reason, homosexuality seems to be the "ultimate" sin in the Church....even though it is clearly also taught that all sins are equal. If a homosexual lifestyle is considered a sin (which like I said, is a whole different topic here...), then why is it given a special, SEPARATE place in the hearts of those who condemn it?
When you are watching TV....in which situation are you more apt to feel saddened by the amount of sin you are watching across the screen? Would it be while watching 24, where at least 100 people are mercilessly murdered each episode, or watching a show that portrays a homosexual relationship or encounter? I, myself, am guilty for watching shows like 24 (just the first example that came to my head...a show I completely love by the way!) and being completely jaded and unaffected by the amount of death, even to the point of getting fired up and excited because the "bad guys" are getting killed! On the other hand, people are shocked and saddened when there is a homosexual scene or theme to a show. What is wrong with this picture?? Honestly, either be jaded by both shows (which I dont recommend...haha) or think about it and realize that one act is not above or below another in God's eyes.
In another example, as Dave stated in his blog...why is it okay to gloss over parts of scripture that talk about loving our neighbor and not using violence toward others, but hold firm to the parts that talk about the definition of marriage? This doesn't make sense to me! We are not in a position to pick and choose parts of the Bible to hold fast to and avert our eyes at others. Just because "everybody's doing it" and the fact that it seems to be a social norm and accepted practice doesn't make it right.
I think one reason for the fact that homosexuality is put on a different level is because it is usually a lifestyle-and in some people's eyes, a "decision" that one makes day after day. It is also a public affair, when the person decides to "come out", thus displaying it to the world whether they want to or not, rather than keeping something like an adulterous relationship or drug dependency under wraps for years so that no one will know about it. However, I think that people need to separate themselves from the black and white view of right and wrong, and use the brains that God has blessed them with, the hearts that He has provided as a channel directly to Him, and the fellowship of so many other people living the same struggles we do every day.
I did find in my research a physiological and genetic component to homosexuality. This means that it may not necessarily be the "choice" that some people think it is. No, there is no "gay gene", but there is certainly an underlying genetic predisposition to sexual issues in general, which may be played out as a pornography addiction, sexual addiction or dysfunction, or homosexuality. Just as there is a genetic component to predispose someone to be addicted to alcohol. However, in the alcohol situation, if a person doesn't touch alcohol for their entire lives, the genetic predisposition will probably not affect them. In a person with predisposition to sexual issues, it is something that will affect them day after day of their entire lives. Especially if they search for and find love-something everyone strives for.
Some churches tend to be "choosy" as to who they will open their arms to in welcome and acceptance. Do you think the church is more likely to open its doors to a person who has a problem with lying, stealing, or substance abuse...... or a homosexual? The answer to that question in most cases saddens me. No matter what your opinions are on right and wrong, or how much you disagree with someone else, we are still called to LOVE EVERYBODY. And what a horrible way to love somebody to deny them the experience of having a loving church home where they can feel accepted enough to be free and honest with God!!!
It is SO easy to point fingers at others. When its not you and your thoughts and feelings, the answers and solutions seem simple. You will tell the alcoholic "just stop drinking!" or the liar "just stop lying to people!" or the adulterer "just stop cheating on your husband!" or the homosexual "just stop having romantic feelings for members of the same sex!" However, if you have ever been in one of those situations, it is not that simple. Emotions, feelings, desires and predispositions are STRONG and are even harder to overcome than physical obstacles. And because levels of these things differ for everyone, it is impossible to know how somebody feels inside or how hard or impossible it feels for them to stop doing what they are doing. Homosexuality is not something that someone can "snap out of", and it saddens me that a lot of fundamentalists tend to see it this way. And telling a homosexual to just stop doing what feels right to them is incredibly offensive...not to mention that it will make them want to tune out the rest of what you say.
I am a huge believer in Maslow's heirarchy of needs...I feel that it applies to so many situations in this world. If you havent had psych in a few years, I'll give you this diagram below that describes what I'm talking about. The theory basically says that you MUST meet people where they're at- once people have one layer of needs met, they will be searching for and wanting the next level. An illustration of this point would be the fact that a homeless person, who has no food, shelter or safety, is not going to be receptive to a message about self-actualization or self-esteem, because they can't even think that far ahead until their basic needs are met. This works for just about every situation. This is why missionaries must meet the basic needs of the people they are ministering to- before they can even open their mouths about Jesus and God's word.
Notice that "love and belonging" is the 3rd need-right after physiological and security needs. This is HUGE. And it also means that until people feel loved and that they belong, they are not going to be open to the higher levels of soul-searching and self discovery. That being said, the church needs to EMBRACE sinners, not turn them away. Before we can even get into a discussion of right and wrong, we need to first LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Once a person has established trust, belonging and love through a body of believers, they will be more receptive and open to whatever opinions you may have about their choices or lifestyle. Think abot it....would you rather a friend tell you that you have a drinking problem, or a stranger?Honestly, until the Church can get this part right, I don't even want to open the doors for discussion on right and wrong. Once we can find it in our hearts to love and accept PEOPLE, we can engage in deeper debates about biblical marriage and homosexuality in the context of love and trust. This doesn't only apply to homosexuality, either...it can be true across the board. It just seems that for some reason, homosexuals are getting pushed from the church because of people expressing their opinion before expressing love. And that REALLY saddens me. Because I know for a fact that Jesus loves everyone no matter who they are, and I want to show everybody that before I start discussing my disagreement with something so personal as their lifestyle and feelings.
I am not sure of the coherence of this post...it kind of came out in fragmented thoughts rather than well thought out and organized, but lets face it...I dont have time to proof-read. :) I just hope that I got my message across, and that people gathered that:
1) I am not condoning or condemning a homosexual lifestyle, (maybe my next post I'll dive into that...) but I do feel strongly that it is not simply a "choice" and that there is a huge need for sensitivity in the Church
2) I am not saying that Christians don't have a responsibility to judge, or that they should gloss over and accept things that they feel are wrong. Healthy debates are important and meangingful, however, they must be in the context of love and trust.
I suppose I should start studying for midterms now. Haha. Your thoughts?
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