Lately i've been struggling with the issue of defined "sin". Obviously, there are points in the Bible where God clearly denounces some things multiple times, and deviation from those is considered sin (i.e. 10 commandments). However, the rest of the Bible's messages sometimes intertwine and even at times contradict themselves, and a lot of the things considered "sins" by the Church today are very gray areas, not clearly defined in the Bible.
Can you truly depend on your intuition and the brain and soul God gave you, in addition to cues from the Holy Spirit on these gray areas?
What if this area remains gray for years, despite your best efforts to sort it through and prayers for guidance?
What if you finally form an opinion and it turns out to be wrong?
What if you disagree with certain views of the Church as a whole, because what they preach doesn't make sense to you?
How do we decipher which "laws" in the Bible we are supposed to take literally and which we can realize were put in place for a culture and time very far from where we are now? How do we deal with contradictions between the old and new testaments?
Your thoughts...
6.22.2008
6.03.2008
More thoughts
I have recently begun volunteering at CareNet, which is a Christian-run national crisis pregnancy center, and there just happens to be one in Mt Vernon. It has been great so far, the volunteer training is intense though...classes, reading, videos....it has taken me forever to get through it! Its been really great though, since my eventual goal is to be a midwife for teenagers that have crisis pregnancy situations.
Being Christian-based, CareNet is obviously very pro-life. Until I started going through the training, I ashamedly admit that I wasn't exactly sure where I stood on abortion. Ironically, I am anti-war and anti-death penalty, but couldn't bring myself to fully call myself pro-life! I never called myself pro-choice either, I just wasn't sure, having a medical background and working for an OB/GYN who discussed abortions like they were no big deal and a normal part of life. Well, after being fully educated about the abortion procedure and its after-affects from a surprisingly un-biased standpoint (I was bracing myself for a fire and brimstone "Christian" lecture about abortion being of Satan) from Carenet, I can now confidently call myself pro-life in every aspect. Along with my pacifist-prone nature, it is not up to us to end any human life, whether born or unborn.
I am all for empowering women to make choices concerning their bodies, but when it comes down to it, abortion is the selfish way out. If a baby is carried to term, whether it will be parented or put up for adoption, everybody will know about the pregnancy, which can be avoided by aborting. The ONLY reason that abortion should even be discussed in my opinion is if carrying the child to term will endager the mother's life. Have you ever been told or read about the abortion procedure in depth? It just about made me cry. Look it up if you have never heard about it. It is absolutely horrifying. And yes, the procedure is usually relatively safe and has little side effects medically. (Not to say that there are never side effects or situations that will leave the woman sterile for the rest of her life)...but the emotional and psychological trauma is unmatched. Just hearing stories from fellow volunteers/coworkers at Carenet of girls who have come in post-abortion an absolute mess, wishing someone would have warned them what it would be like. It makes me devastated for the girls, and for the babies who had no chance to make their mark on the world.
I was surprised by the statistics that show that adoption is not chosen very often by women in crisis pregnancies. That also made me sad. There are SO many couples in the world who are infertile, and would be amazing parents. There couldn't be a better alternative to abortion out there! Either way, you are "giving up your baby". The difference is between ending the baby's life, and GIVING them a good life. Both are traumatic for the mother, but only one is traumatic for the baby AND the mother. Giving a child up for adoption is one of the most selfless, loving things a mother could ever do.
Just some things I've been thinking about lately, and just another thing I'm figuring out and praying about in my walk of faith that makes SENSE to me.
Being Christian-based, CareNet is obviously very pro-life. Until I started going through the training, I ashamedly admit that I wasn't exactly sure where I stood on abortion. Ironically, I am anti-war and anti-death penalty, but couldn't bring myself to fully call myself pro-life! I never called myself pro-choice either, I just wasn't sure, having a medical background and working for an OB/GYN who discussed abortions like they were no big deal and a normal part of life. Well, after being fully educated about the abortion procedure and its after-affects from a surprisingly un-biased standpoint (I was bracing myself for a fire and brimstone "Christian" lecture about abortion being of Satan) from Carenet, I can now confidently call myself pro-life in every aspect. Along with my pacifist-prone nature, it is not up to us to end any human life, whether born or unborn.
I am all for empowering women to make choices concerning their bodies, but when it comes down to it, abortion is the selfish way out. If a baby is carried to term, whether it will be parented or put up for adoption, everybody will know about the pregnancy, which can be avoided by aborting. The ONLY reason that abortion should even be discussed in my opinion is if carrying the child to term will endager the mother's life. Have you ever been told or read about the abortion procedure in depth? It just about made me cry. Look it up if you have never heard about it. It is absolutely horrifying. And yes, the procedure is usually relatively safe and has little side effects medically. (Not to say that there are never side effects or situations that will leave the woman sterile for the rest of her life)...but the emotional and psychological trauma is unmatched. Just hearing stories from fellow volunteers/coworkers at Carenet of girls who have come in post-abortion an absolute mess, wishing someone would have warned them what it would be like. It makes me devastated for the girls, and for the babies who had no chance to make their mark on the world.
I was surprised by the statistics that show that adoption is not chosen very often by women in crisis pregnancies. That also made me sad. There are SO many couples in the world who are infertile, and would be amazing parents. There couldn't be a better alternative to abortion out there! Either way, you are "giving up your baby". The difference is between ending the baby's life, and GIVING them a good life. Both are traumatic for the mother, but only one is traumatic for the baby AND the mother. Giving a child up for adoption is one of the most selfless, loving things a mother could ever do.
Just some things I've been thinking about lately, and just another thing I'm figuring out and praying about in my walk of faith that makes SENSE to me.
5.17.2008
5.16.2008
i think
Moving to Ohio has made me think a lot more than usual. It makes sense....I went from constantly having either a full time job or school for the past 20 or so years of my life, to not really having many responsibilities at all until school starts.
Thinking has been really refreshing for me. I had begun to wonder why no matter what I did, I felt a wall between me and God. I couldn't tell why it was there, or what I could do to get rid of it, but it was there, and I could feel it every time I tried to pray, read the Bible, go to church, or do anything "religious." And I think having these couple of months of thinking has finally helped me figure it out.
I started re-evaluating my life choices...where I put emphasis and why. I realized that my choices were completely based on society's (and even the church's'!) expectations rather than on my relationship with Jesus or the Bible. When I finally stripped down to the words of Jesus and my inner convictions that I believe are Holy-Spirit driven, I realized that I had been living my life wrong all along. The wall between God and I was built up because I was following "Christian" society...not Jesus.
As I have been realizing these things and beginning to make small changes toward the way I feel I should live, I have felt the wall slowly dissolve. I feel closer to Jesus than I ever have, and am so thankful that I have had this opportunity to THINK for once. How sad is it that in our career-driven, money-driven, work-driven success-driven lives that we don't even have time to breathe, let alone think. This isn't the way it is supposed to be. We work 80 hour weeks just to keep up with our lifestyles, when I think Jesus would prefer us to spend that time with family, friends, and HIM.
So what are these small life changes I have been slowly working towards? For one, I have been feeling convicted for a long time that Christians should be the most passionate environmental activists there are. God clearly put us in charge of this earth, and look what we've done to it! Personal small changes can make all the difference, but instead, we just adapt to society without even making a decision at all. I'm slowly trying to adjust my personal lifestyle to be more environmentally-friendly, and I still have a long way to go, but for the first time, I feel GOOD and RIGHT about the choices I'm making, even if it goes against the grain.
Consumerism is at a disgustingly high rate, and I don't even want to think about all the times I've bought something that I don't NEED. We live in excess....and this way of living is being force-fed to us by our country. We buy the most expensive things we can afford...the nicest houses, multiple ipods, TONS of clothes, etc...etc... and all because we think we NEED it. This is especially hard for me, because I love to shop and have new things as much or more as everyone else, especially electronic gadgets :). But buying new things never makes me happy. It makes me feel worse, because I know that the money I just spent on another pair of shoes could have gone towards paying off debt or buying a child clean water for a YEAR. I mean, when Jay and I lived in Nashville, the rent was so cheap compared to MA, that we got a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment, which was great, except that as cheap as our rent was, we could have been just as happy in a 1br/1ba and SAVED the extra money we could have spent. But we subconsciously felt that we had to get the biggest apartment we could afford- just because we could! It is this attitude that I want to try to slowly change in myself. I want to live a simpler, less cluttered life. I want to be financially smart-and make sure we have no debt, and that we give with cheerful hearts. Easier said than done, but with God's help, it can be done!
These are just two of the many life changes I am desperately whittling away at. I know it can't be done overnight, so for now, I am content changing little things at a time until the wall is completely gone and I can rest in my Father's arms.
Thinking has been really refreshing for me. I had begun to wonder why no matter what I did, I felt a wall between me and God. I couldn't tell why it was there, or what I could do to get rid of it, but it was there, and I could feel it every time I tried to pray, read the Bible, go to church, or do anything "religious." And I think having these couple of months of thinking has finally helped me figure it out.
I started re-evaluating my life choices...where I put emphasis and why. I realized that my choices were completely based on society's (and even the church's'!) expectations rather than on my relationship with Jesus or the Bible. When I finally stripped down to the words of Jesus and my inner convictions that I believe are Holy-Spirit driven, I realized that I had been living my life wrong all along. The wall between God and I was built up because I was following "Christian" society...not Jesus.
As I have been realizing these things and beginning to make small changes toward the way I feel I should live, I have felt the wall slowly dissolve. I feel closer to Jesus than I ever have, and am so thankful that I have had this opportunity to THINK for once. How sad is it that in our career-driven, money-driven, work-driven success-driven lives that we don't even have time to breathe, let alone think. This isn't the way it is supposed to be. We work 80 hour weeks just to keep up with our lifestyles, when I think Jesus would prefer us to spend that time with family, friends, and HIM.
So what are these small life changes I have been slowly working towards? For one, I have been feeling convicted for a long time that Christians should be the most passionate environmental activists there are. God clearly put us in charge of this earth, and look what we've done to it! Personal small changes can make all the difference, but instead, we just adapt to society without even making a decision at all. I'm slowly trying to adjust my personal lifestyle to be more environmentally-friendly, and I still have a long way to go, but for the first time, I feel GOOD and RIGHT about the choices I'm making, even if it goes against the grain.
Consumerism is at a disgustingly high rate, and I don't even want to think about all the times I've bought something that I don't NEED. We live in excess....and this way of living is being force-fed to us by our country. We buy the most expensive things we can afford...the nicest houses, multiple ipods, TONS of clothes, etc...etc... and all because we think we NEED it. This is especially hard for me, because I love to shop and have new things as much or more as everyone else, especially electronic gadgets :). But buying new things never makes me happy. It makes me feel worse, because I know that the money I just spent on another pair of shoes could have gone towards paying off debt or buying a child clean water for a YEAR. I mean, when Jay and I lived in Nashville, the rent was so cheap compared to MA, that we got a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment, which was great, except that as cheap as our rent was, we could have been just as happy in a 1br/1ba and SAVED the extra money we could have spent. But we subconsciously felt that we had to get the biggest apartment we could afford- just because we could! It is this attitude that I want to try to slowly change in myself. I want to live a simpler, less cluttered life. I want to be financially smart-and make sure we have no debt, and that we give with cheerful hearts. Easier said than done, but with God's help, it can be done!
These are just two of the many life changes I am desperately whittling away at. I know it can't be done overnight, so for now, I am content changing little things at a time until the wall is completely gone and I can rest in my Father's arms.
5.09.2008
Arrrrrghhhhhhhhhh
I just have to vent for a minute.
I was browsing some groups, (because I have nothing better to do....) trying to find some with some good intellectual conversations that involve members who do not feel that science and religion need to contradict. These are a few names of some groups I found during my search:
"Creation science-making evolution look stupid"
"Creation (God's children) vs. Evolution (charles darwin's worshippers)
"Its call creation not evolution" (yes, including the typo and all!)
"Creation rules, evolution drules" (again, not my typo!)
"Evolution is a scam, God is the real deal!"
"Students who believe in a creator God and not the silly idea of evolution"
"God created the world in 6 days. Evolution is asinine."
"Evolution, Schmevolution; I believe in GOD."
.....Really?
Honestly, sometimes I cringe just calling myself a Christian.
I don't care if you believe in 6 day creationism, or if you accept the scientific theory of evolution, or if you (like me) feel they can coexist and support one another.
Either way, don't be ignorant. Don't put others down who have differing opinions than your own.
I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't have titled these groups as such, or even made them at all.
End of rant. Thank you. :)
I was browsing some groups, (because I have nothing better to do....) trying to find some with some good intellectual conversations that involve members who do not feel that science and religion need to contradict. These are a few names of some groups I found during my search:
"Creation science-making evolution look stupid"
"Creation (God's children) vs. Evolution (charles darwin's worshippers)
"Its call creation not evolution" (yes, including the typo and all!)
"Creation rules, evolution drules" (again, not my typo!)
"Evolution is a scam, God is the real deal!"
"Students who believe in a creator God and not the silly idea of evolution"
"God created the world in 6 days. Evolution is asinine."
"Evolution, Schmevolution; I believe in GOD."
.....Really?
Honestly, sometimes I cringe just calling myself a Christian.
I don't care if you believe in 6 day creationism, or if you accept the scientific theory of evolution, or if you (like me) feel they can coexist and support one another.
Either way, don't be ignorant. Don't put others down who have differing opinions than your own.
I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't have titled these groups as such, or even made them at all.
End of rant. Thank you. :)
5.06.2008
I took some quizzes for fun...
Interesting results:
"What religion are you" Quiz:
1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (92%)
3. Orthodox Quaker (90%)
4. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (79%)
5. Bahá'í Faith (77%)
6. Unitarian Universalism (75%)
7. Seventh Day Adventist (64%)
8. Reform Judaism (56%)
9. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (54%)
10. Neo-Pagan (54%)
11. Sikhism (53%)
12. Taoism (53%)
13. Mahayana Buddhism (51%)
14. Secular Humanism (51%)
15. Theravada Buddhism (51%)
16. Eastern Orthodox (50%)
17. Roman Catholic (50%)
18. Jainism (49%)
19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (47%)
20. New Age (46%)
21. Islam (45%)
22. Orthodox Judaism (45%)
23. Jehovah's Witness (38%)
24. Nontheist (34%)
25. New Thought (26%)
26. Hinduism (25%)
27. Scientology (23%)
"What protestant denomination are you?" Quiz:
(100%) 1: Liberal/Progressive Protestants
(93%) 2: Reformed
(91%) 3: Bible/Nondenominational
(90%) 4: Lutheran
(88%) 5: Baptist
(85%) 6: Presbyterian
(85%) 7: Wesleyan/Methodist
(82%) 8: Anabaptist/Pietist
(82%) 9: Anglican
(76%) 10: Charismatic/Pentecostal
These were fun and interesting to do, but it made me think a lot. I am Nazarene because that is what I was born into, and what my husband was brought into as a teenager. However, lately I've been trying to strip away the messages pounded into me my whole life and really get to the basis of what I believe and why I believe it. And the scary fact is that while I've been doing this, I am starting to believe that the bulk of Christians have it all wrong. I am not claiming to know what "right" is, but something isn't working...something isn't making sense and I don't think it will until I figure out what it is and how to fix it.
There are so many beautiful things that can be drawn out of different religions and faiths that just make sense to me, sometimes even more than things I've been taught over the years. I've come to realize that I don't HAVE to believe these things. I have to be true to my heart, and trust that the Lord is leading me down a path of truth. The guilt and fear I feel throughout this process is directly related to being nervous about the possibility of figuring out that my beliefs are not my parents', my churches', or even my "denominations'". But without this spiritual journey, there is a looming schism between me and God- one that I want to erase for good.
Things that DO make sense to me:
After reading Dave's most recent post, I started thinking about anabaptist culture. Much to my husband's ridicule, I have pretty much been obsessed with Amish/Mennonite culture since I went on an interterm trip to Lancaster, PA in high school. Their ways of life are so different-and beautiful. There are definitely major points of their religious system that I do not agree with, but their way of life is simple, and freeing.
The Amish live simply. They make/grow their own food, wear simple clothing that they mend themselves, build their own homes and barns, and do not have trinkets or modern conveniences of any kind. They put a huge emphasis on family, taking special care of their elderly and children especially. I think this is so important- and doesn't usually hit close to home for people until someone in your family that you love dies. There's always guilty feelings like "If only I had spent more time with them...cared for them more...made sure they knew I loved them...etc." Family is so important to me, and that just makes sense.
The Amish/Anabaptists in general are also pacifists, which I am strongly drawn to as well. Nothing else makes sense to me, but to turn the other cheek and not use means of violence or take other's lives as Jesus taught. I understand WHY we go to war (to "protect our country", to "save" others' countries) and I am still a little fuzzy on what is justifiable war, mostly due to lack of knowledge. But what I do know is that Jesus did not fight back when He was on the cross, and he did not once justify any kind of violence or the practice of taking God's job of judgment into human hands.
Besides anabaptist values, other things that make sense to me include loving others unconditionally, making social justice the #1 concern of the Church, living below your means/not living extravagantly, giving time and money to charity, protecting the environment and helping others at all costs. These are things I do not see addressed often in churches I've attended.
I think the POINT of Christianity should be to LOVE others and HELP the underserved primarily. Not to drive to church on Sunday mornings in a fancy car, raise your hands on cue for the 3.5 praise songs, smile and nod during a sermon, give your 10% because you're "supposed" to, and then go home to your nice house and delicious dinner until next week.
Like I said before, I still haven't quite figured out exactly what I believe and why I believe it, but I do know that something has to change. At least inside of me and my family.
"What religion are you" Quiz:
1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (92%)
3. Orthodox Quaker (90%)
4. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (79%)
5. Bahá'í Faith (77%)
6. Unitarian Universalism (75%)
7. Seventh Day Adventist (64%)
8. Reform Judaism (56%)
9. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (54%)
10. Neo-Pagan (54%)
11. Sikhism (53%)
12. Taoism (53%)
13. Mahayana Buddhism (51%)
14. Secular Humanism (51%)
15. Theravada Buddhism (51%)
16. Eastern Orthodox (50%)
17. Roman Catholic (50%)
18. Jainism (49%)
19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (47%)
20. New Age (46%)
21. Islam (45%)
22. Orthodox Judaism (45%)
23. Jehovah's Witness (38%)
24. Nontheist (34%)
25. New Thought (26%)
26. Hinduism (25%)
27. Scientology (23%)
"What protestant denomination are you?" Quiz:
(100%) 1: Liberal/Progressive Protestants
(93%) 2: Reformed
(91%) 3: Bible/Nondenominational
(90%) 4: Lutheran
(88%) 5: Baptist
(85%) 6: Presbyterian
(85%) 7: Wesleyan/Methodist
(82%) 8: Anabaptist/Pietist
(82%) 9: Anglican
(76%) 10: Charismatic/Pentecostal
These were fun and interesting to do, but it made me think a lot. I am Nazarene because that is what I was born into, and what my husband was brought into as a teenager. However, lately I've been trying to strip away the messages pounded into me my whole life and really get to the basis of what I believe and why I believe it. And the scary fact is that while I've been doing this, I am starting to believe that the bulk of Christians have it all wrong. I am not claiming to know what "right" is, but something isn't working...something isn't making sense and I don't think it will until I figure out what it is and how to fix it.
There are so many beautiful things that can be drawn out of different religions and faiths that just make sense to me, sometimes even more than things I've been taught over the years. I've come to realize that I don't HAVE to believe these things. I have to be true to my heart, and trust that the Lord is leading me down a path of truth. The guilt and fear I feel throughout this process is directly related to being nervous about the possibility of figuring out that my beliefs are not my parents', my churches', or even my "denominations'". But without this spiritual journey, there is a looming schism between me and God- one that I want to erase for good.
Things that DO make sense to me:
After reading Dave's most recent post, I started thinking about anabaptist culture. Much to my husband's ridicule, I have pretty much been obsessed with Amish/Mennonite culture since I went on an interterm trip to Lancaster, PA in high school. Their ways of life are so different-and beautiful. There are definitely major points of their religious system that I do not agree with, but their way of life is simple, and freeing.
The Amish live simply. They make/grow their own food, wear simple clothing that they mend themselves, build their own homes and barns, and do not have trinkets or modern conveniences of any kind. They put a huge emphasis on family, taking special care of their elderly and children especially. I think this is so important- and doesn't usually hit close to home for people until someone in your family that you love dies. There's always guilty feelings like "If only I had spent more time with them...cared for them more...made sure they knew I loved them...etc." Family is so important to me, and that just makes sense.
The Amish/Anabaptists in general are also pacifists, which I am strongly drawn to as well. Nothing else makes sense to me, but to turn the other cheek and not use means of violence or take other's lives as Jesus taught. I understand WHY we go to war (to "protect our country", to "save" others' countries) and I am still a little fuzzy on what is justifiable war, mostly due to lack of knowledge. But what I do know is that Jesus did not fight back when He was on the cross, and he did not once justify any kind of violence or the practice of taking God's job of judgment into human hands.
Besides anabaptist values, other things that make sense to me include loving others unconditionally, making social justice the #1 concern of the Church, living below your means/not living extravagantly, giving time and money to charity, protecting the environment and helping others at all costs. These are things I do not see addressed often in churches I've attended.
I think the POINT of Christianity should be to LOVE others and HELP the underserved primarily. Not to drive to church on Sunday mornings in a fancy car, raise your hands on cue for the 3.5 praise songs, smile and nod during a sermon, give your 10% because you're "supposed" to, and then go home to your nice house and delicious dinner until next week.
Like I said before, I still haven't quite figured out exactly what I believe and why I believe it, but I do know that something has to change. At least inside of me and my family.
5.02.2008
Terrified of the Buckeye
Yeah, I'm terrified of grad school. I met with my advisor and she made me almost pee my pants. OSU is big. REALLY big. And everything about it is scary.
I miss my friends. A lot.
I miss my friends. A lot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)