Sadness

Many people might think I am ridiculous for being so distraught about giving away a dog, but I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life. This is so hard! So many things running through my mind....I hope he's safe and happy, I hope they are taking good care of him, I wonder if he misses me and wonders where his mom is and when she is coming back to get him...I miss him so, so much. He was my pal...he was always there when I was lonely, when Jay is away, he loved unconditionally and he trusted me completely since he was a puppy. I feel like such a horrible mother for letting him into stranger's hands. I KNOW it was the right decision....I KNOW these people will probably take good care of him, I KNOW that dogs are adaptable and he will probably be just fine, and I KNOW that when I start school I wouldn't be able to give him the time and attention he requires. Unfortunately, knowing all this doesn't heal my heart. I wish it would! I hate the disconnect between emotions and rational. I wish I could just tell my heart to put itself back together, and my overactive tear ducts to quit it. But I can't. I just have to wait for time to heal me I suppose...its not the first time I've done that.

I DO love my husband though. He may not like dogs very much, but he does love me amazingly well. He is probably the best husband in the whole world. I can't tell him enough. I can't believe we are quickly approaching our 2 year anniversary. We have been through SO much together already. 2 huge country-wide moves, living with family, new jobs and friends, and staying in touch with old friends. I wouldn't ever want anyone else by my side. I don't think I could make it in this world without him. I thank God every day that he saved him for me to marry. :)

Recognizing how blessed I am to have Jay, family and friends helps me keep perspective and helps me keep my head up despite the pain. It is hard work to keep your head up, but I am trying. And hopefully every day will get easier...